Rebuilding

I guess it's true that time flies when you're having fun. It's also correct to say that it flies by when you're busy. I'm not entirely certain that most of the last six months or so was fun...but it was certainly busy.

Simon was stunned when I told him. I mean, he *knew*, because I talked to him about it beforehand, but I don't think he really expected me to pack up and leave with Sandburg. Why he didn't is beyond me--Simon prides himself on being a pretty savvy kind of guy and anyone with half a brain could see what Blair and I thought of each other, meant to each other. Anyway, it took him totally by surprise when I handed in my resignation.

Blair and I had talked it over all day long, weighing all our options. In the end I decided it would be easier to just resign and start fresh rather than having that tie to Cascade. Clean breaks are always the easiest, if sometimes more painful. I had six weeks worth of personal leave saved up, so pay wouldn't be a problem. Blair called a friend of his who deals in real estate and the loft was on the market the next day.

It sold a week later.

God, who'd have thought it? I mean, *I* loved the place, but I didn't figure it would appeal to someone that quickly. I guess it just takes the right person, I don't know.

I found myself wondering over and over as I sorted through eight years worth of accumulated *stuff* (where does all of it come from, anyway?) if I was doing the right thing. Then Blair would come up the stairs, wrap his arms around me and hug me, or he'd stand in the living room and whisper 'I love you'...and I'd know what I was doing was right.

We were going to put his Volvo in the paper to sell, figuring to buy him a four-wheel drive when we got to Flagstaff ('Flag', he informed me, was what the locals called it). In fact, I'd called the newspaper about the ad, when Simon called us and asked how much--he wanted to get a car for Daryl, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. We sold it to him for a song, as well as a promise that they'd come visit us once we got settled out there.

I missed Simon and Daryl even before we left. I would have missed Blair far more than I could imagine, though.

Blair needed to be in Flagstaff by mid-August in order to process in and get everything in order before the semester began, so we allowed a week to drive and left Cascade on a clear, sunny summer day, bound for our new life. I felt oddly free: no job, no obligations, no responsibilities. For the first time in my adult life I was truly free, owing nothing to anyone. Except my soul to the man in the seat next to me. But that was a debt I embraced gladly, so I didn't count it.

* * * *

Flagstaff, Arizona, was a pleasant surprise. Calm and soothing, surrounded on all sides by mountains and forest. Not jungle or rain forest, rather pine and fir trees, with some hardwood mixed in here and there. I didn't expect to like it as much as I did, as quickly. That surprised me too, and I shared that with Blair that first week, when he came home bitching after a long day dealing with mundane parts of a new job.

"Man, you are so lucky to be on vacation," he griped as he fell into the chair. 'Vacation' was the euphemism we were using for unemployed. It sounded better to my still unsettled brain. "Thanks," he mumbled when I handed him a beer.

"Welcome. Why am I lucky to be on vacation?"

"Petty bureaucrats, man. I hate 'em." He threw his head back and chugged half the beer down.

"You'll get drunk doing that," I reminded him, smiling. His throat was like a snack laid out to me. All I had to do was lean over, and--

"Don't," he warned, seeing my intentions.

I pulled back, observing him carefully. "Why?"

"'Cause then I'll want you to finish it, and I'm too hot and grumpy to enjoy it."

I hid a smile. "I think I'm gonna like it here, babe," I said as a diversion. "Wanna take a look at some real estate this weekend?"

He snapped his head down to look at me. "Sure, Jim. What'd you have in mind?"

"I don't know. Something with a little property to it, I think. After all, there's a lot of forest out there to enjoy."

"You really *do* like it, don't you?"

"It's soothing out here, Chief. I've driven out of town every day for the past week, just checking the area out. It's not a constant assault on my senses like the city was." Which didn't mean I didn't miss Cascade and my life there; just that I liked Flagstaff so far.

"Too cool, man." He stood up abruptly and shoved me back on the bed. "I changed my mind, Jim." That was all the warning I got before he proceeded to devour my mouth with his. Beer makes Blair horny, especially when he drinks it fast.

We lost ourselves in each other for a long time, and it was nearly dark when we surfaced again, both of us feeling better than we'd felt since leaving Cascade. I rolled my shoulders as I went to the bathroom to shower.

"Did you have to claw like that?" I called out from behind the closed door.

"Did you have to bite me so hard?" he responded, laughter in his voice. I poked my head out to see what he was talking about. Sure enough, on both sides of his throat were half-dollar sized hickeys, teeth-marks very evident.

"Sorry," I said, not feeling sorry at all.

"Right," he smirked. I rolled my eyes and went in to shower, feeling almost on top of the world at the moment.

* * * *

It took us five weeks to find the perfect place to live. A nice little cabin, situated on the side of a small hill, surrounded by five acres of the most lush forest you could imagine. We had a fishing creek running through the property, as well as a tiny pond about a quarter mile from the cabin. The only down-side to this great place was that it was nearly forty miles from Flagstaff, which would mean a hell of a drive for us to go back and forth, especially in the winter.

"I don't mind," Blair told me when we were lying in bed one night, trying to decide. "I can always crash in my office if the weather is too bad to drive. Besides, that's what four-wheel drives are for, right?"

I snorted. "There are still times, Chief, when you *don't* want to be on the road. You're right though, I can't imagine too many times when we wouldn't be able to get home. It's highway most of the way."

"And just far enough off the beaten path to appeal to the campers in us," he added. "You can call it what ever you like, Jim, but I know you're in love with the place."

I opened my mouth to argue, then snapped it shut when I realized he was right. I *was* in love with it. To me, it was perfect. Quiet, secluded, comfortable. Enough amenities that it wasn't like roughing it, but far enough from 'civilization' that I wouldn't have to be on constant sensory-overload awareness. I could relax. "Yeah," I said finally, pulling him close, "you're right. I am."

"So, we go with it?"

"Yeah, let's go with it, babe."

And so, not quite two months after our arrival in Flagstaff, we became the proud proud owners of a cabin and five acres of land in the Coconino National Forest.

It came with two bedrooms and bathrooms, a kitchen with dining area, living room and den. Blair immediately claimed the den as his office, stating that 'full, tenured professors need a quiet place to contemplate their academia'. I told him that was so much bullshit; he only wanted a room he could fling his stuff around without me calling him on it. It took me pining him to the floor and kissing him senseless before he admitted it. Game, point, match to me.

Life was pretty good at that point. We'd been in Flagstaff for a little over two months, it was late September and the forest was beautiful. The only thing marring it was that I was having trouble finding a job. In fact, I couldn't find one.

The crime in Flagstaff is minor stuff compared to Cascade. No mega-high rises to have lunatics dropping elevators in; no ports for international drug and weapons dealers to smuggle their goods in by; not a lot in the way of high finance going on. In short, a fair-sized, sleepy kind of town. Not that there *wasn't* crime, just not on the scale that Blair and I were used to. The police didn't need another detective, and I wasn't ready to go back to being a foot soldier again. I considered--briefly--the campus police, but wasn't sure I was ready to enter the University arena on such a full-time basis. If I only knew then...

* * * *

We moved into November, time managing to pass quickly no matter my state of employment. There were a lot of things that needed done around the cabin, fix-it type stuff, so I went at that with a vengeance, when I wasn't out pounding the pavement.

When I commented about the lack of jobs one night to Blair, he sighed deeply, a concerned frown on his face.

"I'm so sorry, man. We should have just stayed in Cascade."

"No, it's okay, babe. I'm just a little concerned about how we're doing, without me working."

"We're fine, Jim. You know that."

Yeah, I guess I did. We got a really good price for the loft--all I'd paid for it and then some. I had received six weeks worth of paychecks from the Cascade PD, all of which we'd banked against this possibility. Still, it made me antsy.

"Something will come up, sweetheart," Blair said to me, moving over on the couch to cuddle against me. "I know that sounds awfully trite for me to say, since you gave up your career to come out here..."

He broke off, biting on his lower lip. He does that when he's nervous, or angry, or worried about something. I turned and tilted his head, stared into those blue, blue eyes. "I know it will, Chief. I just wish I knew...I feel like there's something I'm supposed to be doing."

"What d'you mean?" He frowned at me.

"Just a feeling I've been getting. I don't know how to explain it," I finished, shrugging my shoulders. "Kind of a nagging feeling."

"Like prescience?"

"I guess, maybe," I turned my head, a little uncomfortable with the way the conversation was turning. How'd we go from job-hunting, to this?

"Oh, man, that's outstanding! I've always wondered if your sixth sense was hyperactive as well..." He practically bounded off the couch and I had to grab him around the waist to pull him back to me.

"Don't," I told him in a low voice. "No tests right now, please. I've been having it for a while, just let it be, okay?" I pleaded with him silently, with my eyes and he relaxed into my embrace.

"Okay, Jim," he sighed. I could read the disappointment in his eyes, on his face.

"I'm sorry, babe. I just don't want to--do any tests. I hope you understand."

"I'm trying." He gave me a weak smile. "Guess I can't use the old standby anymore, huh? 'I need more info for my dissertation' isn't going to fly here, is it?"

"Not anymore, Chief." I stared at him, watched his eyes dilate when he correctly interpreted the huskiness in my voice. His breathing picked up a little and I smiled before leaning down to kiss him. "I love you, Blair."

"I love you, Jim," he responded, before I gave his mouth better things to do than talk.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down on top of him and I took him right there on the couch, needing the reassurance of his body beneath mine. He was hot and sweet and wild and caring, driving me out of my mind and making me beg for more all at the same time.

"More, baby," he cried when I entered him, sliding into him in one smooth stroke.

"I'll give you more," I growled before taking his mouth in a hot kiss that seared me to my toes.

Our heat reflected back to each other, circulating and recycling. Whispers became cries of pleasure; gasps and moans gave way to groans. Rapid breathing became panting and a slow, easy rhythm became a pounding beat. I moved inside him slickly, the heat of him surrounding me, scorching me. Too soon it was over as he yelled my name and liquid warmth flowed over his hand, dripping onto mine, which had covered it. I grunted and thrust hard into him as his body clenched around me, then filled him with my cream, whispering 'I love you' into his ear.

We fell asleep like that, on the couch, holding each other.

* * * *

I've heard people say to be careful what you wish for, because sometimes you get it.

Two weeks after our talk that degenerated into seriously intense love-making, Blair called me from his office, asking me if I could drive into town, there was something important I needed to see and hear.

He scared me. His heart rate was nearly off the scale, and I could hear the incipient hysteria in his voice. What was going on? He wouldn't tell me over the phone, just kept saying that I needed to hurry into town, meet him in his office.

I broke every speed law on the books, and probably a few that aren't there.

When I got to his office I was expecting...hell, to this day I'm still not sure what I was expecting. What I *got* was Blair on his knees next to his couch, trying to comfort a nearly hysterical woman. Girl. Somewhere in between.

Sonya Two Moons, his research assistant and teaching assistant. Nice kid-and I'm not just saying 'kid' to be saying it. She was all of maybe 20 or 21. Young, sweet, funny. Engaged to a guy who also was enrolled at the school.

She was sexually assaulted in an empty classroom by a man who hated Native Americans.

God help me, if I live to be 100, I'll never forget the feelings of rage that flowed over me when Blair explained to me--quietly, since she'd just regained a modicum of control--what had happened. It was all I could do not to stomp out of there to find the bastard who'd done this. No one deserved to be assaulted for being a particular race, color, religion or sexual orientation. Blair and I had had plenty of insults leveled at us while we were in Cascade, although fear of retribution from me kept most of them at the verbal level. I glanced over at Sonya and asked Blair if he'd called her fiancée. He shook his head.

"Not yet. She won't let me," he whispered.

"She needs to go to the hospital and file a report," I returned, also in a whisper. "It's crucial that the evidence be collected as soon as possible." Blair winced when I said 'evidence' and 'collected', although he knew what I meant.

"I *know*, man," he said, glancing at her again. "I just don't have the heart to...you know."

I did know. It took a lot to reach the point where you could work to reach *past* the trauma and convince the victim to cooperate. Sonya's tears had stopped, but her face was a blank mask. I gestured Blair out into the hallway to continue this conversation where she wouldn't hear.

"Give me her fiancee's name and where I can find him; I'll go get him. Do you think he can convince her?"

"Probably." He grimaced. "God, Jim, this is *so* not fair! She told me...told me what happened. If she'd known the right moves, she probably could have defended herself. Or at least gotten past him."

It's so strange how the brain works. You hear certain things and your brain processes them, but somewhere along all those circuits and whatnot, something else fires and you hear this little *click* as things fall into place. I heard one of those little clicks that day, at that moment.

Two weeks later, as Michael Sorenson accompanied Sonya to her first counseling appointment, Blair and I met with the University's Dean to discuss setting up an on-going self-defense course on campus. I was going to be the teacher.

A week later we were given the go-ahead to get started, with plans for the first course to begin with the new semester, in four weeks.

* * * *

"It's a good thing you're doing, babe," Blair told me as we ate dinner that night.

"It's something that needs to be done," I retorted. "I can't believe the campus doesn't have something like that in place already." When Blair only raised an eyebrow at me I backed down a little. "Okay, so most campuses don't. They should. Someone should see the need, and--"

"And you did. Jim, relax, man. You're going to drive yourself crazy, too."

"Too?"

He flushed and bowed his head. "I sometimes wonder if it's not my fault. I mean, I know it's not," he added in a hurry when I opened my mouth, "but it still feels like I should have been able to do something."

I shook my head. "We're quite a pair, aren't we? You beating yourself up over something that you had no control over, and me worrying about some I have no control over." I sighed. I suddenly felt like I was 60, rather than 39.

"Let's go for a walk," Blair said suddenly and pushed his chair back.

"Now?" I glanced out the window. It was pitch black outside.

"Yeah. We don't have to go far--and you can see, anyway. I want to take a look at the stars. Breathe fresh air, commune with nature. You can just come along for the view."

"And which view would that be, Chief?" He snickered and swerved away from my hand that reached to grope his ass.

"Which ever view you want to look at, sweetheart. C'mon, let's go."

I pulled a heavy sweater-jacket on over my sweatshirt. The cold didn't bother me like it did him. I watched in amusement as he bundled into a flannel shirt, heavy jacket, scarf, hat and gloves.

"We're going outside for fifteen, twenty minutes, tops, Chief. Not walking to the arctic circle."

"Hah," he snorted, then brushed past me. "You just wish you looked as good as I do in winter wool."

"Uh-huh, that's it," I managed without choking on the laughter in my throat. God, this man was special. I felt the laughter change into an odd lump when I considered what Blair meant to me, then hurried outside before the lump got too big.

It was dark outside. Pitch-black, you're-out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere dark, not the false dark of a city. I breathed in deeply, filling my lungs with the crisp, sharp tang of pine. I could almost taste it, the scent was so strong. Wondering, I opened my mouth and breathed in deeply again--yeah, I could taste it. Faintly bitter against the back of my tongue. I smiled and tilted my head up toward the sky. Planets, stars, a streak of something that may or may not have been a comet. The outline of trees against the darker outline of mountains as a backdrop. The crunch of snow beneath my feet. I stood there, letting the air currents swirl around me, the night sounds mingling to become a sweet kind of music. This was the perfect place for me. I could lose myself here forever. I felt the heat from Blair's body before he reached me, opened my arms to pull him close.

"Brrr," he shivered, huddling against me. "What temp is it out here?"

"About twenty above," I answered as a half-formed thought blossomed in my brain. "Blair?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"I'm going back to school."

"Huh?" He pulled away from me, shock and surprise on his face. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm gonna go back to school. Forestry."

"Say *what*? Jim, you okay, babe?" He tilted my head down slightly and stared at me, eyes wide and anxious.

I took a deep breath of the cold air. "Forest ranger, baby. That's what I want to do."

~finis~

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