Chapter 6
"How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son
of the morning! How art thou cut down to the ground which didst weaken the
nations! For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will
exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also in the mount of the
congregation upon the sides of the north: I will ascend above the heights of
the clouds; I will be like the most High. Yet thou shalt be brought down to
hell, to the sides of the pit."
--The Book of Isaiah, 14:12-15
Consciousness returned slowly, with a harsh throbbing on the right side of his skull. Jim shifted, and a groan fell from his lips as the motion jarred his head. Where was he? What had happened? He tried to shift up further and found he was manacled to something--a chair, likely. It felt like a chair anyway. He opened his eyes cautiously, blinking against even the little bit of light in the room. He couldn't make anything out at first, his eyesight was so fuzzy. When the picture finally started to clear he saw that he was in a room that had black draped around it; along with strange-shaped candles and odd markings on the walls and floor. Apart from the chair he was sitting on there didn't seem to be any others; no, there were benches along one side of the room. And a table on the other. A table holding a very familiar figure. A familiar figure who was lying entirely too still for his peace of mind.
"Sandburg!" Twisting did no good, his arms were securely fastened. "Blair--answer me!"
"He can't hear you, Detective. He's been drugged, and will sleep for hours yet. Time plenty for you and I to have a little chat."
Jim moved his head around too quickly and his vision swam drunkenly for a moment. Great, am I concussed? That's all that would make this just perfect. He closed his eyes; when he opened them again his vision was clearer, more focused. Focused right on a vision that looked like Morticia from the Addams family. She was average height and slender, but voluptuous in all the right places. Jim narrowed his eyes, giving her a studied once-over, trying to ignore the amusement darkening her eyes. As if they would likely get any darker. He swallowed, staring into the inky depths that looked like shards of black ice. He cleared his throat, trying to quell his rising concern. "Who are you? Where am I? What's going on?"
The woman laughed. Threw her head back and laughed. Irritation prickled through Jim's veins at the sound and he grit his teeth tightly, trying to control it. She brought herself under control and replied, "My name is Chardis. And you're here to help me with a little problem I'm having."
"Yeah? And what would that be?" Jim tried to keep his voice nonchalant while he figured out a way to get out of here.
Chardis moved around to stand in front of him, almost seeming to read his mind. "Don't waste your time trying to get free, Detective. You won't be leaving until you've helped me and if your assistance proves useless, well, you won't be alive to care if you leave or not." She paused, her eyes growing cold for a moment, as she seemed to look within herself. Jim watched dark eyes turn otherworldly before focusing on him again. "It seems that the men of Cascade are a ball-less lot; not one I've tried so far has managed to get me pregnant. Not for lack of trying, I assure you."
Outrage and astonishment surged through him and Jim glared at her. "You're the one behind the murders?" You're the fucking bitch who has ruined so many lives and made mine and Blair's a living hell...and you've got the balls to stand there and admit it to me?!
"Oh, I wouldn't call them murders." The glance she gave him was both amused and unconcerned, and his stomach tightened around a coil of fear.
"What would you call them, then?" he ground out.
"Oh, more like 'sacrifices to a greater cause'." She smiled at him, and Jim noticed that the smile didn't quite reach her eyes...and neither, it seemed, did sanity.
"You being the cause, I'll assume."
"Oh, yes."
"So what do you need me for?"
"Why, Detective--you and your little friend are my next pair!"
Jim didn't even stop to consider the consequences of his next actions. With a roar of rage he pulled himself to his feet, chair and all, and tried to swing it at her. She laughed and moved out of the way, then halted him with one little sentence: "Don't forget about your partner."
Jim stopped trying to swing the chair. "What?" Chardis nodded toward the table along the wall. Another woman, one Jim hadn't seen or heard enter the room stood there, leaning over Blair. She tilted his head back, exposing the pale line of his throat. Jim swallowed heavily when he saw the long curved knife that was poised above that expanse of skin. "No," he began hoarsely. "Don't."
"Will you guarantee your behavior? As long as you cooperate, he's safe."
Jim nodded reluctantly, eyes fixed on the smaller man lying unconscious on the other side of the room.
The bitch smoothed her clothing and sat down next to him again, catching his chin in her fingers, forcing him to look at her. "Now, detective--let's talk."
When Blair regained consciousness he was aware of two things: he didn't have a clue where he was, and his head hurt. He moaned softly as he tried to sit up, only to discover the restraints holding him down.
"Hey," he called quietly, "anyone out there? I'm awake now...what's going on?"
He lay there for several minutes before fear began stirring inside him. Where was he? Where was Jim? They'd been together in the parking garage... The parking garage! He'd been hit over the head! What the hell was going on here? "Hey!" he said again, louder this time. "Hey, I'm awake now! What's going on?"
A cold finger appeared from nowhere and slid down his cheek. Dark, luminous eyes appeared over him, a feral gleam in them--along with something that didn't quite resemble sanity.
"Morning, pretty boy. Sleep well?"
"Uh...sure. Yeah. Where am I?" He swallowed heavily, trying to dispel the dryness in his throat and mouth. "Uh...who are you?"
The finger slid up his cheek, caressing, almost reptilian in its coldness. Blair shivered in fear and revulsion. "Uh-uh, pretty one. I'm the one asking the questions." The finger moved across his forehead and the feeling of fear intensified. "What are you doing hanging around a cop, pretty?"
His brain sizzled at the insulting tone she used every time she said 'pretty', and his gut feeling was to get as far away from here as possible, as quickly as possible. Jim--where are you, man? "Uh..."
"I asked you a question, Blair Sandburg. I expect an answer." The finger rested on his forehead, dead center. Blair's body was racked with shudders traveling up and down his spine.
"I'm his partner."
"Personally or professionally?"
Blair sputtered for a minute before regaining coherency. "Professionally! Geez!"
The finger intensified the pressure on his forehead; another cool touch caressed his earlobe. "Attitude isn't going to help you here, Mr. Sandburg." A sharp, burning pain knifed through him, centered on his ear. Blair yelped in pain as the cold fingers tugged on his earlobe. "It's in there pretty tightly." Another sharp tug and he screamed as the first earring was ripped from his lobe. A warm drop of blood slid down his ear and he shivered in fear and revulsion.
Another voice, this one even colder than the one speaking to him, said, "You'll need both of them to make it work properly."
"I know that, give me a minute."
"What's going on? Please--"
A hard slap across his face jolted him, his eyeballs bouncing in their sockets. "I told you, I'll ask the questions!" The person--woman?--turned away from him briefly and he felt the restraints being loosened. "Don't even try to get away, pretty boy. I have plans for you--and if you mess them up you'll be dead before you figure out how to get out of this building."
A cold lump of dread settled in his stomach and Blair swallowed heavily. He was pushed into a sitting position and the world spun drunkenly around him for a moment as his vision worked to realign with being upright. His head throbbed dully and his ear stung like a son-of-a-bitch.
As he looked around Blair realized that he was sitting in front of an altar. A black altar, if the objects scattered about could serve to base an opinion on. A woman moved into his sight and he realized it was the one who'd stood over him and taunted him, who'd jerked his earring out. He shivered at the look in her eyes. They were devoid of anything he'd have labeled as humanity. She pulled him roughly to his feet, and grasping his arm tightly, dragged him toward the altar. Another woman appeared next to him, hand reaching once more toward his ear. Blair found himself cringing backward, sure of her intent. A sharp pain ripped through him once more as the second earring was forcibly removed. A small piece of cloth dabbed at his ear and Blair caught a glimpse of a bloodstain as it was pulled away.
"Stand here, quietly. You're not to talk, not to move."
Blair nodded as if he'd been asked permission and was giving it, when he knew full well that they'd do as they damn well pleased.
"My name is Chardis," the woman with the dead eyes began, "and you are going to help me. I had a pleasant little chat with your partner earlier today...very pleasant. I've been watching the two of you," the words were sneered with odd emphasis and Blair felt a strange surge of shame run through him--uncertain of what the cause was. "You're are going to help me."
"Do what?" he blurted out, unable to resist. Chardis didn't seem to realize he'd broken the order she gave him.
"I want a baby and you and your partner are going to...assist me."
"Assist you? How?" He really didn't like the way this was beginning to sound.
"Sacrifices to a great cause." Chardis cocked an eyebrow at him, ran her eyes up and down his body as if she were assessing him. "Well, I imagine you'll make the biggest sacrifice, pretty boy--you're the one who'll be raped."
"WHAT?!" His heart stopped beating for a long moment, then began again in quadruple time. Surely he'd heard her wrong...
"Raped. Well, sex--preferably by force. We take, ah, measures that nearly always ensure that it happens that way." The woman surveyed him with a pleased expression on her face. Blair imagined that his reflected his horror at her words.
"Oh, god--you're behind the murders..." Images of the eight dead bodies found around Cascade rushed through his mind and Blair shuddered.
"Very good, professor. Didn't think you'd make the connection so quickly. You're awfully smart...perhaps now is the time to take some precautions against that, as well as our other measures."
He didn't even want to know what the measures were going to be; three months immersed in the madness that surrounded this had shown him that as curious as he was about different cultures, sub-cultures and such, this fell into a realm he preferred to remain ignorant about.
She whirled about without even waiting to see if he'd reply, though he was too lost in his own thoughts to consider it. The other woman had moved up to the altar and had placed his earrings into a small stone bowl. Chardis joined her companion on the dais where the altar stood. The two women embraced, exchanging what should have been a kiss but looked more like a perversion of that loving act. Chardis pulled away from the other woman with a long caress to her breasts, then turned and began chanting over the bowl, in a monotone voice too low for Blair to hear the words. Smoke began slowly rising from the bowl and Blair's heart started tripping over itself. His breath caught in his chest and an odd feeling moved through him. He cringed suddenly, eyes darting around the room, staring intently at the shadows dancing about the dark room. Were there live things in those shadows? He couldn't tell--and didn't really want to know. With a sob of terror he clenched his eyes shut tight, praying that Jim would arrive soon to get him out of here.
He opened one eye to see smoke rising in large clouds from the bowl where his earrings had been--although he saw no sign of a flame. The women seemed transformed somehow, larger and more menacing. He still couldn't hear words, just a voice. That seemed different somehow as well. A large shadow shifted and began moving toward him and Blair felt his heart suddenly speed up as terror rose up to envelope him. His eyes rolled backward in his head and he fell to the floor, unconscious.
He woke lying on the floor, cold. His head still ached, though not as badly; it was more like a dull throb now. He winced as he touched his ear and wished he could say the same for that. A small scab of dried blood flaked off and he resisted the urge to touch it further; a gradually-rising sense of unease moved through him, not yet overpowering, but promising to get there soon, blossoming into outright fear. A soft groan from the corner of the dimly lit room caught his attention and he shifted into a sitting position, moving slowly both from pain and fear. Fear of what he couldn't have said, but it seemed to move through him, filling him.
The groan resounded through the tiny room again and Blair got slowly to his feet, his eyes adjusting to the dim light. Jim was lying on a bed--the only one in the room--curled onto his side. He seemed unharmed, though either unconscious or asleep, Blair wasn't sure which. He leaned over fractionally and softly called his partner's name. "Jim."
There was no response and he sighed both in relief at not disturbing the man, and in concern over not disturbing the man. Shit, this was a like a fucking no-win situation. What am I afraid of? Where's this coming from? "Jim."
He sighed in frustration and reached out a tentative hand to gently shake the other man. He pulled back just as suddenly as fear knifed through him--what would happen if Jim grew angry at being awakened? Blair shook his head. His partner had never hurt him--where was this fear coming from? A half-formed image of two women chanting over a smoke-filled bowl containing his earrings flitted through his brain and he groaned softly at the thought of having been 'magicked'.
"Jim...c'mon, buddy. I need you awake here." This time he did shake him, just barely. The skin beneath his fingers was soft, the muscle beneath that hard and unyielding. So much strength in this man...yet so much gentleness too. Memories of how hard and how personally Jim had taken and viewed his 'failure' to solve the cult case flashed through his memory and Blair sighed. This was not going to go over well. "Come on, Jim. It's me, Blair. I know you can hear me, big guy. Wake up. Come on...that's it..."
A muffled groan met his ears, but Jim didn't do more than stir under his hand. Blair gave a groan of his own, despair and fear washing over him. Great. They were captives of a madwoman who wanted a baby and was obviously practicing black magic to try and attain that goal. He remembered with horror the pictures of the bodies they'd found over the last three months. Men mutilated beyond recognition...strange marks carved into their bodies...signs in some of forced penetration... 'Obviously received rough anal penetration at some point, though from what source I couldn't say...Torn tissues, lacerations just beginning to heal completely...' Wolfe's words from the various autopsies coalesced into one burning statement in his brain: it was as he'd guessed. One man the donor, the other the receiver.
'You'll be the one who's raped...' the voice sneered at him from the darkness of his mind. Raped by whom? Not Jim.... surely Jim wouldn't go along with something like that? If not Jim, then who? Who else was around that would be a willing participant in this? And how did raping him figure into impregnating her? It still didn't all click together, and his brain hurt too much to try and put all the pieces together. He dropped his head into his hands, trying to calm down.
"Oh, man," Blair moaned quietly into his hands. "This sucks in a major way..." He leaned back over Ellison and shook him again, not quite so gently this time. His fear--founded or otherwise--over waking the bigger man up was nothing over his terror at the prospect of being raped. "Come on, Jim--you need to wake up. Now, man." He shook again, rewarded this time with a snuffled grunt from his partner.
"'M awake, Sandburg..."
Blair hastily moved back when Jim shifted and spoke to him. He sat himself down on the edge of the bed and waited, knowing his partner would wake fully shortly. His patience was rewarded when Jim sat up, rubbing at his eyes, and the back of his head. "Blair!"
"Welcome back, man," Blair tried to smile. He managed a sickly parody of one, watched Jim give him one in return. "Guess we're in some serious trouble here, aren't we?"
Jim nodded. How did he tell his partner just exactly what kind of serious trouble they were in? And more importantly, how their captors intended to force his cooperation. He shuddered at the thought of anything happening to Blair because of him. "Yeah," he said slowly, "you could say that."
They moved to the small table sitting alongside one wall. Blair seemed more at ease--if that was the right term for it--when he wasn't right next to Ellison, so Jim let it be for now. He'd explore the whys of that in a few minutes. For now, they needed to get as many facts as they could laid out between them.
A long, lingering glance at his partner, when the smaller man wasn't looking, didn't go very far in reassuring him. I swear I'm gonna get you out of this, Blair. Or I'll die trying, at the very least. No, dying on Blair wouldn't be good--that would leave the younger man alone with this insane group.
"How's your ear?" A neutral conversation-opener, since neither man seemed to know what to say to the other.
"Huh?" Blair touched his ear, winced, and lowered his fingers. "Hurts," he said matter-of-factly. "If they wanted the damned earrings they could've just said so--I would have given 'em." Remembering the bloodstained square of cloth he sighed. "I guess there was a purpose to that, though."
"No doubt," Jim agreed carefully. "And your head?"
"Jim, man, I'm fine. Okay? We need to figure out how to get out of here."
"I agree. But we also need to talk about what she told us--me. I gather you didn't get a lot of information out of her?"
"Hardly," Blair scoffed, mainly at himself. "I was too busy trying not to piss my pants." At the clenching muscle in Jim's cheek, Blair fell silent and seemed to shrink within himself. "Sorry, man," he whispered hoarsely.
"Sorry for what?" Jim's face showed confusion and Blair nearly laughed, the acrid taste of irony bitter in his mouth.
"Just--sorry. For everything."
"Blair, this isn't your fault."
"No, but I'm cowering here like a fucking idiot, getting scared when you look at me. Man, what's happening here?"
"From what she told me, we're going to be the providers for the sperm she needs to get pregnant. Or I am, anyway. You--" His jaw tightened again as Jim recalled how Chardis had laughingly told him in graphic detail what she was going to do to him, and what he would then do to Blair.
"You're going to rape him, Detective," she said, laughing, obviously enjoying the look of shock he could feel spreading over his face. "We're going to ensure that. See, in another six days I begin my fertile period, when the conditions are the best for me to conceive. During those six days you and your little friend will be prepared and dedicated to our Lord and master, readying you for your service for Us.
"There will be some rituals--but you'll know that, won't you? You'll be given an injection once a day, every day from now until the beginning of my fertile cycle, herbs which will increase your potency and virility, as well as stimulants which will build up in your system, rendering you incapable of not responding. Your body will be primed, Detective. Primed and ready." She ran a hand across his chest, trailing it down to squeeze his cock, lingering there to stroke him for a moment. "So ready. Then, on the actual day, you both will be ritually prepared. Different rituals for the two of you, but both consisting of cleansing.
"You will provide the sperm, the seed, necessary for the infant to be conceived in my womb; a chance for our Lord to have a human form on this earth once again. Your partner will act as the receptacle for that seed. You will be given another injection that morning, then again just before the ceremony itself. Afterward, if all goes according to our plans, you will be burning with lust for your partner; any refusal on his part and you'll take him with as much force as we can manage to raise in you. You'll force yourself on him, spending yourself inside him. We will then retrieve the seed and I'll impregnate myself with it."
She'd sounded so cold, so clinical, that Jim had shuddered just from the words, never mind the meaning behind them.
"And if I don't agree to this?"
"Oh, we'll see that you do, Detective, or you'll regret it--and he'll regret it even more."
Not as long as there's breath left in my body, he vowed.
He came back to himself with a start, Blair's inordinately pale face telling him that he must have spoken out loud.
"She's absolutely insane," his partner whispered, even his lips a bloodless pale color.
Jim nodded. "I am not going to hurt you, Chief," he said as gently as he could manage. "I swear to God, hell I'll swear to the devil himself, I'm not going to hurt you. You have to believe me on this one. There's nothing they can do that can make me hurt you."
Blair smiled wanly. "Thanks, Jim--but I think they can do just about anything they want."
"I know how I feel, Sandburg, and the Blessed Protector instinct is stronger than anything they can conjure up." Please, God--I haven't been to church in more years than I can count...but I know you have to be listening to this. Don't let me hurt him. Help me have the strength to get us both out of here, safely, as quickly as possible. Jim stared at his friend, trying to communicate his feelings there. "You have to believe me, Blair. You have to believe in me, okay? We'll get out of this, together." Jim slid one hand out, across the table, and waited, palm up and outstretched.
After what seemed like an eternity, Blair reached his own hand out and placed it in Jim's, flinching only a little when the larger hand curled around his, squeezing gently. "Trust me," Jim said softly. "I won't let you down."
Blair nodded, his throat tight, an ache in his chest. It wasn't that he didn't trust Jim. Trust had nothing to do with it. "Promise me something," he began, hoarsely.
"Anything, Blair." Jim tightened his grip on their clasped hands, stared the smoky-blue eyes down with his own.
"Promise me--if you can't...if we can't get out of here...if it looks like... Don't let anyone else hurt me," he said in a rush. "I can stand it, if it's you...doing...if I'm having sex with you. Don't let anyone else, please. I'd rather you kill me...then have to...let someone else..."
"Jesus Christ, Sandburg!" Jim's voice was a raw whisper. "I can't kill you, man, you're my best friend!" His hand tightened convulsively on the smaller one he held, both their knuckles going white from the pressure.
"Do it," the younger man hissed. "Promise me, Jim. I swear, I can deal with the rest of it. But I can't handle the thought of someone else doing to me--what was done to those other men. If you can't do it, or they won't let you, I want you to kill me before someone else can."
Jim swallowed hard, his stomach roiling. "If it comes to that, Chief," he stopped to clear his throat again, his voice as hard and raw as the bitter winter winds, "I'll do us both. I won't let--that--happen with anyone else." I'm sure as hell gonna try to not let it happen with me, either. Six days from now, we'll be outta here.
"Thank you." Blair's head had dropped, his voice no more than a rough whisper. Jim let go of his hand and reached across to tilt his head back up. Hot tears shone in the dark blue eyes and Jim felt his heart contract painfully. He watched as the pool grew larger, overflowing the dark depths, until one by one they fell, trailing down the pale cheeks. He flicked them away one-by-one with his thumb, resisting the urge to lean over and lick them off, to offer a different kind of comfort. That's not what he needs right now; he needs the friend I've always tried to be. I have to forget that I feel anything at all for him other than friendship.
"We'll get out of this, Blair. I swear we'll get out of this."
There was no answer from the figure across from him, just the continual overflowing of tears as Blair tried to control the fear curling through him.
Chapter 7
The best blood is of the moon, monthly: then the
fresh blood of a child, or dropping from the host of heaven: then of enemies;
then of the priest or of the worshippers: last of some beast, no matter what.
--Aleister Crowley, Liber Al vel Legis
It was hard to tell for sure how much time had passed now; how long they'd been captives of a madwoman and her plans. No one had been into this small room since either of them had awakened, something Jim found very suspect. Were they being monitored, somehow? He couldn't detect anything that gave the indication of monitoring equipment...but this situation was far from normal, too.
He tested the door once more, noting grimly the absence of windows. The only way for air to be circulating through their room was a series of small--very small--grates that were set high to the ceiling and covered with a mesh screen. He'd already tried, and had Blair try, to fit into the small opening; even his partner was too large.
"First time in my life I'm too big for something, and it's the time we most needed me to fit." Blair sounded tired, almost defeated, and Jim wanted to pound his fists into the person who'd done whatever it was to put the fear of life into his partner.
Instead he tried to soothe with calming words, at the same time still scanning the room, as if he hadn't already memorized the small space. "It's okay, Chief. I doubt a six-year old could fit through there."
His only answer was a snort as Blair shifted restlessly on the bed where he'd taken up residence.
The room itself was not uncomfortable. One bed, bigger than a twin, smaller than a double. He'd have been cramped sleeping it in himself; he and Blair were expected to share. A small wooden table sat against one wall with a ladder back chair at one end and a small wooden bench in front of it. One lamp sat on the table, providing the only illumination in the tiny room. There was a narrow door set into one wall that opened into a half-bath; toilet and sink were all that could fit into the tiny closet. A careful inspection of that room had revealed nothing. An extra roll of toilet paper, a small bar of soap, a toothbrush, a couple of tubes of ointment of some sort. Nothing that could be reasonably used as a weapon or a means of escape.
More movement from the corner of the bed caught his eye and Jim turned to see Blair huddled into himself, body shaking.
"Chief?"
"C-cold, Jim...c-c-can't get w-warm."
"It's more than that though, isn't it?" Jim crouched next to the bed and placed a warm hand on Blair's knee.
"S-s-shock,"
Blair nodded in agreement, seeing it in Jim's eyes. "You th-think so,
t-t-too,
don't you?"
"Yeah." Jim tightened his grip for a moment, then released Blair. "Listen to me, Sandburg. We're gonna get out of here. You understand? I'll get us out you don't have to worry about that."
Blair shuddered as another cold wave, accompanied by fear, washed through him. "I know," he whispered. He couldn't stop that fear from rising over him though and he cowered back away from his partner. The words had burned into his brain, "you'll be the one to suffer...it'll be you being raped...", and regardless of Jim's good intentions and promises he knew what lay in store for him. He'd seen the pictures; seen the bodies.
Jim watched Blair's eyes cloud over, watched as his partner cringed back from him, as if he'd hurt him. He started to reach for the younger man then checked himself when Blair's eyes widened and dilated and the shaking increased. Afraid of sending Blair into a seizure, Jim chose to move from the side of the bed.
"I'm not going to hurt you, Blair. You gotta trust me on this one, pal. No matter what they told you, you know better. I would never hurt you--you mean too much to me."
"I know, J-j-jim," came another soft whisper. "It's s-s-so hard though..." He coughed once, the unshed tears and the fear combining into a very real, choking grip on him.
"What can I do to make it better for you?" Jim paced the floor of the small room, trying to decide how best to help the smaller man. It hurt him to see Blair cowering like this; his partner was a feisty, self-reliant individual who could stand up for himself. Too many people had underestimated him in the past and regretted it later. What Blair lacked in size and strength he made up for in brains and his ability to think quick on his feet. That was one of the things that Jim liked so well about the man. Blair was intelligent and knew how to use that intelligence to his benefit. But sometimes even intelligence couldn't compensate for sheer trauma and shock...and Jim knew this was one of those times.
How would I be reacting if someone had just told me I was going to be raped, repeatedly, all so some insane bitch could try and get pregnant? Never mind even the whole satanic angle; it would probably throw me over the edge.
A soft noise caught his attention. "Heads up, Chief. Company's coming."
Blair froze when the door opened, terror leaping into his eyes when Chardis and another woman that Jim didn't recognize entered. He found himself moving in front of his partner, protectively, his legs spread wide and his arms crossed against his chest.
"I trust your accommodations are comfortable?" the devil-woman purred as she walked around Ellison. He shifted his stance, trying to keep the younger man from her, but she moved past him to stand in front of Blair.
"You know they're not," he growled, the hair on the back of his neck rising. "You could just let us go now...they might go a little easier on you, downtown, if you don't pursue this again."
"Oh, no, I couldn't do that." Chardis turned to look at Jim, her eyes wide with feigned innocence. "Why do you think I'd want to? No," she continued, "that's not a good idea."
"Why are you here?"
"Well, Detective, you are my guests," she emphasized the word ever-so-slightly, "and I wanted to see to your welfare. See how you were acclimating. Poor Blair--you don't look so good, do you? Things a little scary right now?" She leaned toward him and his eyes widened, the terror reflected in them rising to hit new peaks. Jim pushed her, shoving her away from his terrified partner.
"Get away from him!"
A sudden scuffling behind him and the other woman, who'd been standing silent by the door, had him in an arm-lock, holding him motionless. Chardis leaned in toward him, her demeanor now cold and menacing, dangerous.
"Don't you ever touch me again, unless I bid it. Do you understand?" The words were spoken softly, but with a wealth of threat biding within. Jim met her gaze with his own, his own eyes hard and cold, the same stare he used to make hardened criminals back down. Chardis smirked at him. "You think you're a tough guy, don't you? Big, strong...never crawl, never beg. You touch me again without permission and begging is the least you'll do again. I'll make your life so painful, so miserable, that death when it comes for you will be welcome--until you fall straight into the pit of hell." She reached down and grabbed his balls and squeezed, hard, her fingers like vice-grips on his sensitive parts.
He grunted, then watched with almost casual curiosity as the room wavered around him, black spots dancing before his eyes. The pressure on his balls continued, growing tighter, more painful. From a distance he heard a voice saying something, but couldn't make out the words; didn't really care. Another twist and nausea overwhelmed him, then the room spun and went dark.
"Jim? Oh, man...Jim, are you okay?"
He was lying on the floor...and Blair was leaning over him, eyes dark and anxious in the dim light. Where was he? What'd happened? A sudden throbbing in his groin tossed the answer into his face. "Chardis--?"
"She left a few minutes ago--you haven't been out that long. Easy, now." Blair helped his friend sit up, until Jim felt grounded enough to hold himself up.
"Oh, God--" Ellison panted, trying to breathe through the waves of nausea moving over him. "Shit, that hurts."
Blair shuddered. "It looked like it," he whispered. "Your face got so white--you were beyond pale, man. Ghosts look healthy to what you looked." He studied Jim, eyes moving slowly over the other man's face. "You've got a bit of color coming back now. Think you can get up? You might feel better, lying on the bed."
"In a minute, Chief." Jim clutched at the arm that was supporting him. "Been a while since I had my nuts cracked like that." He closed his eyes, the nausea slowly receding. "Okay--I think I can get up now..." He grunted with the effort of shifting himself upward, and heard Blair's little groan as well as the younger man took his weight and braced it with his shoulders.
"Up you go," the student muttered, getting Jim situated on the bed. "Want some water? There's a cup in the bathroom."
"No," Jim threw an arm over his face, still breathing roughly, his body tight with the slowly ebbing pain. "I'm just gonna lie here and rest. I'll feel better in a little while."
"Okay, then." Blair seated himself at the table and propped his head on his folded arms.
Jim was asleep in a matter of minutes, his breathing evening out as his body relaxed. He got himself hurt for me--protecting me. Jesus, I'm something else. Freaking out like that just because the bitch decides to talk to me. What the hell is wrong with me? I know what's wrong with me--it's gonna be my worst fucking nightmare come true in a couple of days. Shit, I can't believe that after all this time, we find the killers, only it's us who's gonna be killed next. Goddammit. And here I'm sitting, cowering behind my partner like a fucking baby. He looked over at his partner. Jim had shifted a little, lying now on his side, rather than his back, curled inward into a fetal position, hands covering his hurt testicles.
He had to have known she wouldn't stand for him pushing her aside like that--what made him do it? Jim, you're the greatest, buddy. Even if we don't get out of this alive, I know that you tried. I'm just glad I've had this long to know you, to be your friend. I'm sorry that it's turning out this way, though. I think I would have liked to have sex with you...but I don't think I can do it under these circumstances. Not like I'm being given very much choice here, am I? No, I know I would've liked to have sex with you. Maybe we'll get out of here yet, but it's gonna ruin things for us. We can't ever go back to being just friends, like we are--were. But we're not going to be lovers, either. She's going to take the most precious thing in our lives and fuck it over until it's not recognizable as our friendship.
No! I don't believe that. Blair scrubbed angrily at his eyes, dismayed to find them filled with tears again. Jim's not going to look at me differently because he's had to fuck me. I know him--he wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that...and Jim's as fair-minded as they come, more so than me, sometimes. I'm going to have to believe him when he says it's all right, because if I don't then that means that I don't believe in him...and that's not the case at all. I've never believed in anyone as much as I believe in Jim Ellison. I have to trust him; trust that he knows what he's doing. At least if we cooperate with her, with them, we'll be alive and together for that much longer. And when he goes, I go with him, as it should be. A sentinel and guide always stick together. Friends stick together.
He rubbed his hand tiredly across his forehead. His head hurt, his ear hurt, he was tired and heartsick. All his mental ramblings didn't change anything: no matter how they handled it and acted afterward, when Jim knelt behind Blair six days from today, their relationship would change. There was no way it couldn't. No way.
He looked longingly at the bed, wondered if he could sneak in next to Jim and grab a quick nap. He needed to lie down and rest his aching head for a few minutes. Surely Jim wouldn't mind, in light of what they were going to have to do? It would be nice to have Jim's body heat thrown at him too, since even now he was still shivering. He went and relieved himself in the bathroom then took a deep breath and returned to the main part of their room, to stand beside the bed.
Indecisiveness made him even jitterier than he'd been, and when Jim snorted in his sleep he jumped, startled. You're just gonna lie down and take a nap, for yin' out loud. You're not asking the man to marry you. Maybe not, but given all the circumstances they had to deal with, this was just as big a deal. Another deep breath and his hands were on Jim, gently rolling him toward the wall, making room for himself. He slipped under the one light blanket that was covering the bed and closed his eyes. Jim's body was blessedly warm, and combined with the blanket, he was slowly warming up. This isn't so bad, he found himself thinking, as his eyes closed and he slipped into slumber's arms.
The first thing Jim was aware of was that the throbbing in his balls was gone. In its place was a stirring, tingling sensation that reminded him of arousal, had he been a little more inclined at the moment. A light, clean scent, overlaid by blood, sweat and the stink of fear filled his nostrils then, and he realized that Blair was lying next to him on the bed.
Actually, Blair was snuggled up to him, leeching body heat from him. Jim sighed and shifted a little, encouraging his partner's snuggle, enjoying the feel of Blair's body pressed against his. His cock tingled, but nothing else happened. Not likely too, for a day or so anyway, he thought ruefully. Pity the bitch didn't think about that when she was trying to wring my balls off me--it's a damn good thing for her she doesn't need her stud services tonight. I couldn't get it up for anyone right now. Could he get it up for Blair, when the time came? His partner was obviously terrified of the idea. Oh, not the sex so much, but the idea of it being forceful. I won't rape him. I don't care what they inject in me, what they make me drink, how they threaten me. I'm not going to do that to him.
Jim sighed, breathing Blair's scent in deeply, pulling the essence of his partner into his lungs like a soothing balm. This whole thing--the case, all of it--had been a nightmare from the get go. Now they were caught up in it, with no place to go and no way to get out. Blair words from earlier swirled through his mind, haunting him. 'Promise me, Jim. I swear, I can deal with the rest of it. But I can't handle the thought of someone else doing to me--what was done to those other men. If you can't do it, or they won't let you, I want you to kill me before someone else can.'
And I said YES! What the hell was I thinking? I was thinking of keeping him safe. I'll keep him safe until I can't any longer...then I'll do both of us. At least we'll go together, and I'll be with him. Ellison closed his eyes against the image of Blair dead by his own hands, regardless of why. He hoped it didn't come to that, because he wasn't sure he'd have the strength...nor could he live with himself if something came to pass where he couldn't follow Blair.
The younger man shifted in his sleep and eased a little closer to Jim, snuggling against the hard, warm body. Ellison groaned silently, more than aware of how badly he wanted his partner, and how long he'd wanted him for. Just not like this. I never wanted it like this. I wanted him to want me, too. Not be scared of me. Jim lowered his head and pressed his lips gently against the top of Blair's head. "I'll get you out of this, Chief," he whispered into the dark curls, before pulling the blanket higher over the two of them and closing his eyes again.
The door opening woke both of them this time, and Blair froze when a woman's voice cut through the stillness in the room.
"Well--aren't you nice and cozy." She came full into the room, bearing a small tray. "Guess you couldn't wait to sample the goods, huh? Just better not come too many times--Mistress needs you to give a good showing."
Blair was still snuggled up to Jim's chest, and it was no feat at all for the older man to hear and feel the sudden out of control pounding of his partner's heart.
"Easy," he whispered, turning and sitting up. "Who are you?"
"Me? I'm nobody--nobody important. Kind of a gopher, I guess." She laughed at herself, then turned her glance back at the two men still huddling close on the bed. "You really should try not to fuck him too much before the ceremony--it's gonna decrease your sperm output and that's the whole idea here, isn't it?"
Jim could feel the heat radiating off of Blair's cheeks. "We're not--" he began, prepared to defend himself and his friend. Then he realized it was unimportant what they thought of them and closed his mouth again. Let them believe what they wanted to. Maybe it would make it easier on Blair, in the end.
"You need to get up," the woman continued, not noticing Jim's aborted attempt to set her straight. "I have your injection right here--and some dinner. You'd best eat while you can, since you have to be purified for the ceremonies you won't get anything to eat after tomorrow night."
"Tomorrow?" Blair flashed his eyes up at her, then back down when her gaze settled on him. "Why?"
"I told you," the clear voice sounded impatient. "You have to be purified. Clean, when it's time. Can't have anything sitting in your digestive track, can we?"
The gist of what she was telling him suddenly sank in and Blair flushed hotly all the way to his toes. Man, I thought my days of being embarrassed over sex were long gone! It's not like I know this woman...and it's not like I don't know the mechanics of two men having anal sex...but Jesus, she's so...clinical about it. So matter-of-fact.
Jim sat watching the exchange, his own stomach suddenly tying in knots. Injections. Shit--it's gonna be that shit we found in the other bodies. Hallucinogens. I can't even handle fucking 'Nyquil', and they're gonna pump me full of shit that'll probably send me reaching for and clinging to the ceiling! "I'd like to forgo the injections. I promise that when the time comes I'll--do what I have to do."
The young woman shook her head. "Not possible. You have to have the injections, that's part of what makes everything work."
"You don't understand--I have an extremely low tolerance to drugs. Of any kind."
This time it was a grin. She was amused by all this! "Sorry--rules are rules. Come here."
Jim maintained his seat on the bed. "No."
"Jim! Are you nuts, man?" Blair hissed in his ear.
"No--and you know why I'm refusing. Remember the cold meds?"
"As if I'd forget--but man, this is different. We know you'll react...we can work with it."
"Sandburg--"
Jim never got to finish his sentence before the bitch was grabbing him and shoving the needle into his arm. "Next time I'll bring someone in to hold you down if I have to," she told him, pulling the needle out. Jim watched as a tiny drop of blood welled up from the entry point. A tingle began spreading outward from the center of the pinprick, warmth rippling through him.
Oh, shit.
She stood there for a moment, watching him, watching them. Her expression was thoughtful and Jim wondered if she could see the slow flush that was spreading through him from the injection.
"Well, I think I'll leave you two to your...activities..." she emphasized the word, then gathered up her tray and left the room. The click of the lock falling into place resounded through the silence. Jim fell backwards against the mattress.
Then Blair was there, kneeling next to him, still on the bed, his cold hands chaffing at Jim's suddenly hot ones. "You okay, man? Jim--you're burning up!"
"I know," he managed to bite out, trying with some effort to cut through the ringing that suddenly filled his head. "Help...me...Blair..." his body shook as the heat began moving through it.
"Okay, just gimme a minute..." The younger man still held his hands, rubbing them absently. "What're you feeling right now?"
"Dizzy," Jim muttered. "Hot, cold--it's back and forth. Weak. I don't think I can move--"
"Shhh. You don't have to. It's okay, man. You're safe."
"Not safe here..." the voice was weak, almost lethargic. Jim's head moved restlessly on the pillows, as if seeking a comfortable resting spot.
"Safe enough for now. Relax--I'm not gonna let go." Blair lifted their clasped hands.
"...flyin'...don't let me fall..."
"You're not gonna fall, man. I'll catch you."
Oh, Jim. God, what's this going to do to you? I know basically what the effects of these two stimulants are--you're just getting them so fast! We haven't done a lot of substance tests...there never seemed to be enough time to fit everything in. I don't know how to talk you through what's going to be the equivalent of an LSD trip; God, what if you OD before I can get help for us? We know that all the victims we found were borderline anyway; you're way more sensitive. Think, Sandburg! You've got to help him--the man is your best friend, the closest person to you. The only one who can help him at all is you.
The man beside him shook, presumably from the contrast of heat and chills, and Blair sighed. They hadn't even gotten to the stimulant part yet; Jim was still dealing with the initial effects. He shifted himself into a lotus position and settled in to wait, and guide, as best as he could. Eyes closed, breathing slow and deep, Blair silently chanted a relaxing mantra, trying to calm himself as best he could. The fear had been pushed aside, mostly, for now; hopefully it would stay that way until he could talk Jim through all this.
It took maybe an hour; Blair wasn't sure completely of how much time had passed. He knew about how long it took to run through his mental relaxation techniques, and he'd done all of them.
Jim's handhold on him tightened a little and a deep, heavy sigh came from the bigger man. Blair found himself stroking a hand across his friend's forehead, ostensibly to check for fever.
"How you doin', man?" he asked softly, wondering how Jim's hearing was. He wasn't surprised when the older man winced, and he whispered his next question: "Can you dial it down at all?"
A short, quick shake of the head. Jim's eyes were squeezed shut, his face tense with, at the very least, discomfort, if not outright pain.
"Can you open you eyes for me? Jim?" He continued to whisper the questions, not wanting to cause his friend any further discomfort. Jim shook his head negatively again. "C'mon, man, work with me a little bit here. I know it hurts--"
"It's not pain," the older man rasped. "Well, not really. I don't know how to explain it. Everything is sensitive. I can feel the molecules of air hitting my skin right now. I can see the different spectrums of light behind my eyelids. I can hear different tones and levels in your speech. Pain, but not pain. It all feels good...too good, almost."
Hyper-stimulated hyperactive senses. Now what the fuck were they going to do? Blair closed his eyes in concentration, trying to figure out how to deal with this the best. He opened them to look at Jim when his partner starting shifting restlessly on the bed.
"What's wrong?"
"Need to use the bathroom."
"So go." Blair moved off the bed and waited for Jim to cautiously crack an eye open and shift awkwardly. "Jim?"
"I don't know--" the voice was raspy again and Blair looked closely at him.
"Are you still dizzy?"
"I feel like I just chugged a six-pack of beer." As if to emphasize his point, Jim shifted alarmingly, his body listing to one side. Blair closed the small distance between them and maneuvered his partner into an upright position. To his absolute shock Jim laughed.
"What?"
"I don't know--just, how stupid this all is. Man, it's like I'm drunk...or tripped out on something."
"As if you ever did that," Blair scoffed good-naturedly, trying to herd Jim into the bathroom.
"You'd be surprised, Chief. I went to college once. I remember those days."
The banter was light-hearted, and heartbreakingly familiar, almost as if nothing had changed between them. As if nothing had happened to them. Nothing has changed, yet, Blair reminded himself. It's just that we have the knowledge that it's going to...and that alone has created a change. "Think you can handle it from here, big guy?" The student wasn't sure he was ready for the intimacy of handling Jim's penis for that, and backed out of the tiny bathroom gratefully when Jim assured him he was capable still of performing this act.
He was in there so long that Blair was just about ready to go and check on him when the door opened and a still-slightly flushed Ellison emerged; face damp, but eyes looking more in control.
"Want to eat?" Blair gestured to the table he'd been sitting at, staring at the food there. Nothing terribly exciting; some sandwiches and fruit, chips--picnic fare.
"Yeah, I could eat." Jim seated himself next to his partner and tore into one of the sandwiches.
"Okay--I need to know. How are you feeling right now? I want it catalogued," Blair added, seeing the question forming on Jim's lips. "Everything. Still feeling hyper-sensitized?"
"Yeah--but not as bad as when I first woke up. Mostly tactile like that now. I'm warm; unusually so. I still feel like I drank too much on an empty stomach...kinda loose and relaxed, y'know?"
"How about--y'know. Aroused." Blair looked down at his sandwich while he asked that, and Jim heard his heartbeat skyrocket. It increased exponentially when he answered.
"Yeah, a little." In addition to the heartrate off the scale, the younger man's breathing increased, lungs rasping harshly in their effort to pull air in and out as fast as the body was demanding it. "I'm not at the 'throw you down and rip your clothes off' stage, Chief." There was an audible gulp, as Blair obviously tried to decide how to respond to the gentle teasing. Jim reached out and touched the hand nearest to him, holding steady even when Blair winced and drew back a little. "I'm sorry--I was trying to lighten things up a little. Eat your dinner."
Blair's hand shook beneath his and Jim noted the tremor extended to his entire body, a fine, constant shaking. "It's not you, Jim...it's me..." The shaking increased and Blair tugged his hand from under Jim's, the bigger man letting go reluctantly.
"I'm not going to pounce, Sandburg. Eat." He pointedly returned to his sandwich, the tension in the room now enough to cut. Something's gonna have to give, and soon, he decided, amazed that he could think that coherently with his brain on fire. Bad enough this shit is crawling through my system, lighting small fires as it goes; it has to set my brain to burning along with everything else? In spite of his best intentions, Jim couldn't dispel the image of Blair naked beneath him, moaning his name. He shook his head violently to clear it, then finished his sandwich quickly. He dispatched two more in short order, noticing that Blair was still picking at one.
"You want me to go into the bathroom, or something, so you can finish?" Jim wasn't so sure he liked that idea, but if it would put his partner at ease enough to finish his dinner, he'd give it a try.
"No--I'm done. I just can't...can't eat anything."
"Maybe you'll feel like eating later."
"Maybe." Blair pushed the plate away, then stood up, standing indecisively in the center of the small room. He looked up at Jim and a glimmer of the Sandburg that he knew was there, glittering in the dark eyes. "I feel like I have ants crawling in my brain right now. I'm so edgy--any little thing is going to set me off...and I don't know if I'll be able to control it."
Jim stood up and moved a little closer; touching distance. Blair trembled but held his ground and silently the detective cheered his partner's courage. "I've got fire-ants crawling around in my head. I keep--seeing things. Hearing things. Stuff I know isn't there--the stuff they gave me is hallucinogenic...and it's working, believe me. I'm not sure right now what's real and what isn't... What are you afraid of?"
"Huh?" The non sequitur, thrown in at the end of the speech, threw Blair.
"What are you afraid of? Me?"
Blair wrapped his arms around himself, and shuddered. "Not specifically, I guess. Just--afraid. I know you won't hurt me...but I can't seem to stop the feelings...and now that you've got that drug in you, I can't predict what you're going to do. And I don't know what to do about it!"
"What if I kissed you?" Jim shifted incrementally closer, his body heating up at the nearness.
"K-kissed me?"
"Yeah, kissed you. You know, lips on lips? A kiss."
"Why?" The lean frame was shaking now, but from what, exactly, Jim couldn't say.
"To ground us. To show me you're real...show you I won't hurt you. Please, Blair..." Jim's voice dropped to a ragged whisper. "I need to do this--for both of us. I'm burning, from the inside out, right now...I don't think the polar caps could cool me down."
"But I can?" Blair's whisper matched Jim's for rawness. "A kiss will be enough?"
"For now...I think...yes." Ellison raised his arms, his hands moving to cup Blair's face. "Yes?"
"And if I say no?"
"Then I won't. I'll lock myself in the bathroom until this passes...but I won't." Jim hands trembled on his face and Blair felt an answering shiver run through him.
"Yes."
One word, whispered, but Jim heard it. He lowered his face toward Blair's, eyes maintaining contact with the smoky-blues that radiated terror...and the tiniest hint of curiosity. "Thank you," he whispered against Blair's lips, as he brushed his own across them. Lips that were so incredibly sweet that he brushed them again, then a third time, before molding his own to them, parting them with his tongue.
And they did part, a tentative invitation, but inviting nonetheless. Warm, moist breath met his own as Blair exhaled into his mouth; whether a sigh or a moan Jim couldn't say, and didn't really care. His partner trembled in his arms as he gently ran his tongue around the inside of that sweet mouth, tasting every bit he could. And as he'd expected, the fire burning within him flared hotly, then dimmed significantly, as his body's need was met.
It flared again though when he pulled away from the luscious mouth, spurred along by the faint groan from his friend as their mouths separated. Jim brushed a thumb over the wet lips, then leaned back, letting his hands fall away, steadfastly ignoring the burning in the pit of his belly.
"Better?"
"I--don't know," Blair breathed, looking at him with eyes wide from surprise, shock and only a little fear now. "I...liked it," he continued, his voice barely above a whisper.
Jim felt a smile spread across his face. "You were supposed too. That was the idea."
"Would you...do it again? If I asked?"
Ellison frowned now. "Why?"
"I felt--safe--almost, I guess. Jim?"
The bigger man pulled the smaller into his arms, thrilled when he felt Blair's arms circle his waist loosely. "My pleasure," he breathed, lowering his mouth to the sweetness of the other.
When they separated, long, long moments later, both were breathless and just a bit flushed. Blair actually smiled--just a little--at Jim. "I think...that's okay."
The older man shivered. "I hope so." 'Cause if the burning in me right now is any indication, it's gonna get a whole lot more intense before this is over. "Are you ready to get some sleep?"
Fear crept back into Blair's eyes, but it wasn't the overwhelming look it had been earlier. This time it was tempered by actual proof that Jim could control this thing--at least a little. "Sure. I could sleep."
"Let's do it, then. We have no idea when they'll be back or how long they'll let us sleep. We need to try and keep our heads clear."
"Drug wearing off?"
"Not much, yet." Jim shook his head. "That's why I want to sleep--I'm hoping that will help."
"You want inside or outside?"
"Which will make you feel safer?"
Blair considered for a minute. "Have you on the outside--?"
"Fine. Get in."
They climbed into the bed, grunting as knees and elbows contacted with other body parts, then settled down. Jim sighed happily when Blair rolled toward him, spooning his back to Jim's chest. "This okay?" There was hesitation in the soft question.
"Fine." He slid an arm over, wrapping it around Blair's waist. "Is this?"
A yawn answered him, then a sleepy, "Yes."
Both settled into sleep fairly quickly, worn out from the tension and stress of not only the last day or so, but from the three months leading up to this.
Chapter 8
"For behold, the kingdom of heaven is within
you."
--Luke, 17.21
He was warm and comfortable, with a warm body snuggled against him. When had he found the time, much less the energy, to bring someone back to the loft? Jim rolled over and gathered the body close to him and found himself cuddling his partner. His eyes bolted open as he realized where they were and what was going on. What time was it? Was someone going to be in soon with more food...more drugs? That made him take stock of how he felt. Dizziness seemed to be gone; hyper-stimulation seemed to be gone; the feeling of inebriation was gone. But best of all, the incessant burning that had flowed through his blood and his brain, was gone.
I kissed him last night. That thought reigned uppermost in his mind right now. He'd kissed Blair, not once, but twice--the second time at the younger man's urging. And it had been so good. So sweet. Even the circumstances surrounding the reasons behind the kisses couldn't take away from the impact they'd had on him. It was no great surprise to realize that it would take very little effort on his part to fall in love with Blair--he'd been heading in that direction for months now. This was just going to tip the scales; assuming they survived it.
The warmth of the younger man against him made him achingly aware of the morning hard-on he was currently pressing into the back of Blair's thigh. With a startled intake of breath he realized that it wasn't just the usual morning erection; he wanted his partner, wanted to make love to him. Not like this--I don't want to fuck him like an animal in rut; I want to hold him and kiss him and caress him...show him how much I care about him. It occurred to him to wonder how much experience Blair actually had with men; for all the grad student's open-mindedness and acceptance of different cultures and so on, he'd never seen him date anyone other than women. Never smelled another man on him. Something to discuss when he wakes up. I don't want this to be totally unfamiliar when we're made to do it--I want him to be prepared. Meanwhile, if he didn't want to freak his friend out, he'd best remove himself before his cock drilled a hole through Blair's leg.
Blair was awake and sitting up by the time he emerged from the bathroom. "Morning, Chief."
"Hey. Is it?" Blair scrubbed at his face, noting with a small grimace of distaste the several days growth of whiskers on his face.
"Is it what?"
"Morning. How do you know?"
"I don't--but I'm not going to sweat it. I'm getting the feeling that our days and nights are going to be a little off here."
Sandburg shook his head. "You done in there, man?"
"Yeah--help yourself. I tried to save you some hot water..." Jim managed a smile with the words, the joke old and familiar.
Blair gave him a feeble smile to show him the effort was appreciated, then ducked into the bathroom.
He re-emerged a scant five minutes later, holding a cup full of water and staring at it like it was poison.
"Something wrong, Chief?"
"Just wishin' it was coffee, man." A small shiver traveled down the length of the lean body, but Blair kept his eyes level with Jim's. "I could really go for some caffeine."
"Well, maybe they'll bring us some with whatever they bring us to eat, though I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you."
"You don't see me gasping, do you?"
Jim grinned at his partner, glad that Blair seemed loosened up enough to joke even a little bit. He gestured him over to the table with a head motion. "C'mere, buddy. We need to talk."
Blair joined him, his eyes full of questions. "About what?"
Man, how to start this? "I was wondering..." Jim paused and took a deep breath. "I was wondering how much--if any--experience you have with men."
Blair stared at him for a long, long time, fingers playing with the condensation on the outside of the cup. "Um--"
"I need you to be honest with me, Chief. You need to know what's gonna happen, if you're not familiar with it. This is going to be hard enough, without you being scared to death over what we're doing." Jim looked at his partner, seeing a combination of fear, gratitude and anxiety mirrored there. His own emotions? "So--how much?"
"I--I've kissed a couple of guys before...not including you," he mumbled, fingers now tight around the cup. "And, um, jacked off with one, once. Y'know--mutual jacking off. I did him, he did me."
"And that's it."
A slow blush burned its way up the stubbled cheeks. "Hey, man, it's not like I was ever unwilling...I just didn't have the chance when I wanted to; then I was havin' fun with the women I was dating, and--"
"Sandburg. Sandburg!" Jim held a hand up, stilling the nervous chatter. "Calm down, buddy. I wasn't criticizing...I was just making sure. Relax."
Blair took several deep breaths. "Sorry, man. I--it just seemed..." he trailed off, his eyes dark and troubled. "How much experience do you have?"
Now it was Jim's turn to flush uncomfortably. "A whole lot more than you have," he said evasively.
"C'mon, Jim. That isn't an answer and you know it."
"Let's just say that I swing both ways, and have for a while--and leave it at that, okay?"
Blair stared at his friend thoughtfully for a minute. "That's quite a revelation to spring on a guy and not expect me to follow through on it. But, for now...Okay," he responded quietly. "So what else did you want to talk about?"
Jim breathed a quiet sigh of relief. No way did he want to get into the hows and whys of his sex life at this particular moment. "Um...we need...that is, um..."
"Come on, Jim. Just spit it out. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad." A quiet fear spread across Blair's face. "Can it?"
Ellison shook his head. "No, it's just...awkward...to bring up. It's got to do with you--and our upcoming...activities."
"What about me and them?"
"Do you know what's involved with anal penetration? Specifically, with anal intercourse?"
"Jesus, Jim!"
"It's a valid question, Sandburg. Yes or no?"
"Well, yeah, I guess so. I mean, what is there to it, besides just...y'know."
"It's not like with a woman, Blair. A man has to be ready--be prepped, if you want to use that term. Stretched out? Following me here?"
"Yeah, I'm following you." Blair stared down at the water, then raised the cup and drank, hoping the cool would soothe the burn in his cheeks and body. Not so much from embarrassment, though there was that, too. But something else...something he wasn't ready to define yet...and couldn't right now in any case.
"You've never had any degree of anal penetration? Not even when you were jerking off?"
"I--no." Blair mumbled his answer into the cup, hoping that Jim would understand that this wasn't normally how he'd have approached this conversation. It was not a big deal for him to talk about sex--with anyone. At least, not normally. And he didn't think it was who he was talking to, specifically.
"Well..." here Jim hesitated; long enough that Blair finally looked up to see his partner staring at him with an embarrassed light in his eyes, as well as something else undefinable.
"Well, what?"
"We should...I mean, I should...get you ready. Show you what to expect."
Blair goggled at him. "Have sex? Now?"
"No. I don't think that'd go over too well with the bitches outside." Jim frowned at the thought, then shook his head. "No, I'm thinking more like just...you know, like foreplay. Fingers...get you stretched out a little bit...at least let you get used to the sensation. It's a helluva shock, Blair, even when you're expecting it. And me stretching you out with my fingers a couple of times is still not going to prepare you for the actual act...but at least you'll have some idea."
Blair shook his head, his face gone pale. "I don't believe I'm hearing what I'm hearing, man," he whispered in a rough voice. "Do you hear yourself?"
"I hear myself, Chief, and I'm sorry as hell that I have to say it at all. But it's a valid thing to consider...and I hope you do. I'm sure as hell not going to do it without your permission--though we're not going to have that luxury in a few more days." Jim shifted a little and moved toward the younger man, tilted his head up with one finger under the stubbled chin. "Look at me, Blair. I don't like this any better than you do--worse, probably, because I've been there--been a virgin, and I know what to expect for that. I don't want to hurt you, man, and I'm afraid I will...if you don't let me do this!" Jim removed his hand and backed away. God help me, I may end up hurting you anyway...but I can't let myself think that, because that's counterproductive.
"I need...I gotta think about all this, Jim."
"I know you do, buddy. I wasn't expecting you to say yes right away. But I do want you to think about it. Please." Jim waited for a minute before reaching a hand out and resting it on the shaking one that was lying on the tabletop. It was cold and trembling, like Blair himself. "I'm sorry, Blair. So very sorry." Jim squeezed the hand, then got up and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
Blair stared at the closed door, wishing he could open it up and see inside, without Jim seeing him. Jesus, I don't believe Jim was saying all that! And what the hell is this 'I swing both ways' shit? Since when? For a long time is not an answer...and if he thinks I'm letting that go he needs to rethink thing. I don't know if I can do this. I know I don't have a choice--and that's got me scared out of my fucking mind. The only reason I'm keeping any kind of hold on this at all is because Jim won't let me down. He'll be here for me, like he always is. The student brushed his hair back from his face, considering that, considering the feelings he'd been having for Jim before any of this ever happened.
I've been curious for a while now...wondering what it would be like to have him for a lover. I've been afraid too, for the same reasons. Didn't want to fuck up what we had. Well, it's about to be fucked up for us...so there really isn't any reason not to have him 'get me ready', is there? What if that's just words though...what if this is like a leftover from having the drug last night? No, he's not acting like he was last night. I'd know, wouldn't I? Listen to me! What am I thinking? God...Blair rubbed his hands across his face, trying to figure out what the hell was going on with his life. Jim's thinking of me, thinking of my welfare. Whether or not he'd get any satisfaction out of it is strictly immaterial right now. If he's got...the experience he says he has, then he knows. I have to trust him. I have to. If I start doubting him now, it's all over. I might as well offer my throat as my ass, for a sacrifice.
That settled in his mind, Blair knocked once on the bathroom door and said softly, "Come on out, Jim."
The older man walked back into the room and looked at his Guide sitting there, silent, tense, pale. "You can think about it longer, if you need to. We're not on a timed schedule here."
"Well, actually, I think we are, Jim. And..." he gulped audibly, his heart pounding in his chest. I'm about to majorly expose myself here. "I think you're right, and...yeah."
Thank God. The more he'd thought about it, the more concerned Jim had gotten, wondering if Blair would be able to see through the fear that was clouding everything for him right now. Apparently he had. "I'm--glad. You know." He gave his friend a crooked smile, his own heart thumping suddenly when Blair returned it.
"So...now what? What do we do? When...?"
"Let's take this one step at a time and see what feels right. There might come a moment when it feels more right than any other--we'll know, I think." Jim smiled again, hoping to convince himself as well as his friend.
They sat there for a little while, making small talk, but that proved awkward after a while. Blair got up and paced, resenting that things were awkward between them. What did you say, when a depraved woman who wanted you to breed for her was holding you in captivity? Oh, good going, Sandburg. Remind yourself of why you're here--of what they want you to do. The chill of fear that hadn't left him in at least 24 hours slammed back into him and he shivered violently, his teeth knocking together.
Jim was there in a heartbeat, large warm arms wrapping around him, holding him close.
"You're okay, Chief. I've got you..." A large hand caressed his hair, almost petting him. Blair let himself be soothed by the soft rumbling of the familiar voice; lulled by the gentle <ka-thump> of Jim's heart. He only briefly took notice when he noticed them moving, noticed that Jim was guiding him back to the bed. Jim shifted himself down, in a sitting up position, then pulled Blair down next to him, cuddling him close.
"S-sorry, Jim..." The words were harsh, breathless. "I c-can't seem to s-s-stop..."
"Don't apologize, Blair. This isn't about you, or me; it's about how we're being manipulated. They caused this, not you."
"S-should be strong, h-h-help you o-out." The self-recrimination in the usually strong voice shook Jim to the core. He twisted himself around so he could grip Blair's chin in his hand and stare him right in the eyes.
"You listen to me, Sandburg. You're doing the best you can do. No one, especially me, is going to fault you for anything. Do you understand? You were strong when I needed you to be, last night during the drug trip; let me be strong for you, now. Okay?"
Dark sapphire eyes looked up at him, a light sheen of moisture shining in them. Blair nodded and sighed, "Y-yeah." Then he leaned his head forward until his lips brushed gently across Jim's.
It was hard to tell who was more surprised: Jim, or Blair. Both men's eyes widened, heart rates leapt within chests. It was Jim who pulled back, seeing the uncertainty in Blair's eyes.
"Jim?"
"Just let me hold you. Nothing more, Blair. Let me hold you, and keep you safe." For as long as I'm able.
Blair was dozing in the safe circle of Jim's arms when they came back. Ellison had been going over all their options in his mind, finally coming to the conclusion that there really weren't any options for getting out of there, short of a miracle or two.
The door rattled briefly before swinging open; it was enough time for Jim to gently shake Blair into wakefulness, if not total coherency.
"Company comin', Chief," he hissed quietly in the younger man's ear, wondering why he hadn't heard anything. Surely this room couldn't be blocked so well as to keep all sentinel abilities at bay?
This time, in addition to the young woman from yesterday, there were two large women--large enough to have given Joel Taggart a run for his money--and Chardis.
"Well--I see you're settling in nicely, getting along," she cooed at them.
Jim shifted them around again so that Blair was partially protected by his body. "What do you want?"
"Detective Ellison, you seem to have a real problem with attitude, don't you?"
"So my supervisor keeps telling me," he grated out. He could feel Blair trembling behind him, and wished yet again that he could just reach out and kill this woman. He could do it barehanded, though he'd never liked doing that. He'd make an exception to that, though; in this instance it was likely to bring him incredible pleasure.
"Well," she moved away from the bed, seating herself in the chair at the table. "I just wanted to check on your well-being. After our little...disagreement...yesterday, I thought I should see how you're doing. Yvelle reported that you were looking very well yesterday afternoon. I wonder if that was the company?" Her oddly colored eyes lit on Blair for a long moment and smiled when she saw him shudder. "Anyway," she continued, "we're obviously going to need to take precautions about too much, ah, extra-curricular activity; after all, you are here for a purpose, aren't you?"
"What kind of precautions?" Jim's stomach tightened at the thought of anything else being done to either of them. Everything so far was more than enough.
"Oh...just some precautions. Preventative measures, if you will." Chardis gestured the other women full into the small room. The woman who'd been by yesterday, Yvelle, set another small tray on the table, then removed a syringe from her pocket and handed it to Chardis.
"Anything else, Mistress?"
"No, that's all for now. You may watch from the doorway, if you wish."
"Thank you, Mistress. I think," the younger woman smiled, "I think that would be fun."
"Indeed." Chardis turned back to the two men. "Mr. Sandburg--I'm going to need you to move, and Detective, you need to drop your pants. And gentlemen--I don't repeat requests."
Jim shook his head. "Why?"
Behind him Blair hissed quietly. "Don't provoke them, Jim!" But the smaller man made no efforts to move, either.
Chardis sighed. "I can see that taking the two of you together has been nearly as bad as introducing to complete strangers. They didn't care at all about one another; you two are obviously too close. Ladies! Yvelle, I'll need you as well, now."
The large women moved in and grabbed Jim securely, holding him through his struggles. Yvelle grasped Blair's arm and drew him off the bed; although frightened he did struggle a little, but the woman was strong and he was too uncertain to try very hard. She drew him off to the side where they both had an unhampered view of what was going on.
"Now then," Chardis loomed over Jim. "I understand you weren't very cooperative about getting your injection last night. That, coupled with my decision to take those preventative measures, has led us to this. Wouldn't it have been nice if you'd just cooperated?"
Jim struggled against the two large women who held him. "Go to hell," he spat, resisting the urge to actually spit at her.
"Already there, darling." She laughed delightedly, the reached for Jim's belt.
"NO!"
"Your virtue is safe with me, for the moment, Detective. Relax."
Relax. Yeah, right. NOT! Jim's brain was going into hyperdrive, not helped by the fact that he could hear Blair whispering under his breath, 'please don't hurt him...please don't hurt him...'. He closed his eyes, not wanting to watch Chardis pull his pants down. A rush of cool air caressed his genitals, then the warmth of her hand as she stroked him quickly.
"I knew you were the right man for the job," she smirked, when his penis swelled a little. "Let me make it better for you." A sharp stinging in his arm, followed by the quick surge of warmth that he knew would turn to burning, began flowing through him. "Now, then," that hated voice jerked him away from his concentration, as rough hands pulled at his penis, lifting it away from his body.
"What the hell are you doing?" The outrage in his voice shocked him, but he couldn't help it. Was she going to rape him? While Blair watched? He struggled against the hands that were pinning him to the bed.
"Preventative measures, Detective."
"Oh, man..." the quiet voice of his guide forced him to look down, rather than at the ceiling. Chardis was pulling a...a cock ring out of her pocket.
"No, way." He pulled fiercely, trying to get loose from the grips holding him. "No fucking way!"
"I'm afraid so, Detective." The voice was coldly mocking now.
"NO!" Jim arched his back, trying to wiggle away from the fingers that were even now fastening the leather around the base of his penis.
"Release him," Chardis nodded to the two women who were still pinning him down, and to Yvelle as well, to release Blair. Jim immediately reached for himself and Chardis stopped his movement with a touch on his wrist. "Remove that, Detective, and your young friend over here will pay dearly for the transgression. I promise you. If he survives the torture, he'll welcome the death that will follow."
"Jesus Christ, lady." Jim could barely form the words into the ragged whisper that came out. Blair's face was dead white, even his lips were pale. "Why?"
"As I've said several times now, simply preventative measures. Yvelle will remove the ring each evening when she brings you your evening meal; we'll replace it each morning when we come to give you the injection."
"I thought we weren't getting any more to eat after tonight." His fingers itched to reach down and pull the ring off, so Jim crossed his arms, trying to ignore the buzzing that was growing louder in his head.
"You'll still receive liquids, until the night before the actual ceremony. After all, the idea is to cleanse you, not kill you. At least, not yet."
So saying, Chardis turned on her heel and left the room, the other three women right behind her. Jim jerked his pants up, fastening them with fingers that were nearly numb from stress. He looked over and realized that Blair hadn't moved and called to him softly.
"Chief?"
Blue eyes blinked slowly, then roamed his face. "How you doin', big guy?"
"I need to sit down," Ellison replied, sinking heavily onto the bed. The nausea was there again, as well as the hot and cold sensations. But worse than all that, was the burning he'd felt last night. Like a fever out of control inside his brain and his body. His cock began to twitch.
"Jim?" A worried voice, right overhead. "Man, you're gonna be hurting, tonight." Blair gestured helplessly toward Jim's groin.
"I know." The words were a sigh. "I'm gonna lay down for a while, Blair. Maybe if I lie still it won't be so bad." Even as he said the words he knew they weren't true, but he wanted to pretend it might be so.
"Do you--want me to--y'know, lay down with you?"
"Only if you want to. I'll understand if you don't." Jim closed his eyes against the heat creeping downward, his body already falling under the spell of the drugs. No, please, don't let it happen this fast. It wasn't this fast last night; I had a chance to kind of get used to it. Please...
Blair crawled onto the bed and Jim brutally silenced a groan when the younger man's body brushed against his. "I want to help you, Jim--but I don't know what to do. How are your senses doing?"
What senses? My world has shrunk down to nothing more than my cock and burning blood, and thoughts of you. You wouldn't want to lie here next to me if you could see into my thoughts right now, my friend. If you were scared to touch me before, you'd be terrified to be beside me at that. All I can think of is how much I want to hold you, kiss you, caress you...then fuck you until neither one of us can stand up or sit down. I want you, Blair! And goddamn those women to hell and back again, they've made it impossible for me to even enjoy these phantom thoughts.
"They're okay, I guess. A little skewed, but not like last night. I know I'd be dizzy if I tried to stand up, but other than tactile, nothing seems to be real bad off."
"What do you mean by tactile? That's pretty general."
"Well, right now my shirt is rubbing my nipples raw from the touch of the cloth against them, and my pants are stinging the hell out of anywhere they touch." And I don't know if it's actually my senses, or if I'm just imagining it, from the hallucinogens, or what. I don't trust myself to know the difference right now.
"Do you want to take your clothes off?"
The question caught him off-guard, he was so wrapped up in his thoughts and Jim paused, considering. "No--not right now. It's tolerable now; I'd like to wait until I can't stand it anymore, then fall back. If I start out giving in to the lower-level stimulation, then I'll be fucked by the time I've had four or five of these injections."
Blair nodded his head. "I'm going to lay here, maybe take a nap. Wake me up if you need anything, okay?"
"Okay."
The dark blue eyes regarded him seriously for a minute. "I'm not kidding, Jim. I don't know what I'd do for you, but wake me up, okay?"
"All right, Sandburg!"
"You don't have to yell, man. I'm right here."
"I wasn't yelling."
"Uh-huh."
Blair punched the pillow he was curling his head on, determined to take a nap. Sleep was quickly being reduced to a form of escapism, but it wasn't like they had a lot else they could do. Lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling; sit at the table and stare at the walls. Talk, but talking seemed kind of superfluous right now.
His brain refused to shut down, however, and he found himself reviewing what little he knew about cock rings. They permitted erections but prevented orgasms. I'll bet that thing is gonna start hurting after a while. Maybe not now; maybe not tomorrow. But if they make him wear it every day between now and...He's gonna be in some serious pain. Oh, man...Jim...I wish I could help. Make it better for you. He shifted gingerly, not wanting to do anything that might make the situation worse for his friend.
Blair became aware of a hot hardness poking at the back of his leg, pressing slightly against his butt. He swallowed, then took a deep breath. "Jim?"
The voice that answered him was husky with an undercurrent of discomfort running through it. "Yeah, Chief?"
"You okay, man?"
"I don't know."
Blair raised an eyebrow and turned himself over, drawing a startled groan from Jim when his thigh made contact with the hard-on his friend was sporting. "I'm sorry, I--"
"Don't sweat it, Sandburg." Jim tried to smile; only his lips succeeded. "I'll be okay."
"Is it real uncomfortable?"
"Still tolerable right now...mostly...but it'll get worse." Jim shifted a little. "It depends entirely on how long they plan to make me wear it...and I didn't think it sounded like this was a one-time deal."
"No, it didn't sound that way." Blair shifted himself, very carefully, until he was lying, facing Jim. "How're the senses, man?"
"My
body is on fire, Chief. Literally. Anywhere my clothes are touching, it's
almost like it burns, my skin is so sensitive right now. I swear I can feel the
molecules of air hitting against it."
Jim breathed in deeply, filling his lungs with Blair's scent. In return, his
cock hardened a little more and the pressure increased a little more. He
sh