I'll Follow You

I'll Follow You

I'm coming, love.

I wish I could ask permission ahead of time, like you did of me. Do you know how hard that was? Giving you permission to leave me...letting you go like that? I still don't know where I found the courage--but I could see that you needed to be let loose. Your time here was done, even if I wasn't ready to see it.

I'm still not ready to see it. I've lived without you by my side for almost six months now...and I miss you as much with each new day as I did the day before.

There's not a day goes by I don't remember how much we loved--and how long we were given for it. There're not many who manage for as long as we did, and many of those with far fewer obstacles to face.

If I close my eyes I can still feel the weight of your body on mine...the feel of your lips as they press against me; I can hear your heartbeat beneath my cheek as we lay cuddling after making love. I can taste your essence on my tongue, and know it was me that gave you that pleasure--the kind that caused you to throw your head back and scream as you came into me.

I'm lonely. I miss you. I miss you so bad that the ache has become an unbearable physical thing--it fades somewhat during the daytime, when there are perhaps things to keep me busy, but at night it keeps me awake, stabbing me.

I long to hold you; touch you; kiss you. Feel your mouth giving way beneath mine, opening for me. I don't know how much longer I can go on feeling this way...I don't know that I want to try.

I'm ready to join you--I only wish I could ask you, the same as you did me.

Will you welcome me, in that unknown place? Will you still love me...want me...need me? I can't imagine that Paradise could be named thus if you're not there with me.

I can feel my physical body growing weaker every day--it won't be long now. I want only to be with you--as I was every day for 50 years and then some. Working together, playing together, loving together. Held tight in a protective embrace, loved and cherished. We kept each other safe, didn't we? Safe from the world that seemed to work against lovers.

I know you didn't want to leave; weren't given a choice. I don't hold that against you. I don't hold it against you that you needed to ask to go--I only regret that you had to. I'm sorry I fought it for so long...made you ask for something that was yours by right. Please forgive me for that.

I'm coming, love. Be ready for me...I'll be there soon.

*********************************

Darryl Banks let himself into the loft quietly. He'd been coming by for so long, he'd finally been given his own key. Ever since Dad passed on several years ago, he'd felt honor-bound to check on Jim and Blair--they didn't have anyone to watch over them like his Dad had had. Once in a while Darryl would bring his children, or grandchildren--Blair especially seemed to enjoy the company of the little ones, and watching them play together had made his heart a little less heavy from missing Dad.

Now there was just one.

Darryl frowned in the early morning light--the loft was quiet. Too quiet. He looked around; nothing seemed amiss.

The hair on the back of neck prickled then, and he moved toward the stairs. A strange weight settled in his stomach as he climbed, knowing what he'd find at the top.

The figure on the bed looked to be sleeping, but Darryl could detect no life signs. He sighed, tears coming to his eyes. That was it then...an era had passed. He moved to shift the body into his arms, and a single piece of paper fluttered onto the floor. He bent to pick it up.

I'm coming, love...

~finis~

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