After the Moment

Prologue

He shivered in the chill evening air; the storm from earlier had passed, but left a lingering cold hovering over the city. Soft, worn sweats and an equally worn tee shirt that had belonged to the man he loved made up the outfit he would sleep in.

The man he loved.

His mind was still whirling in confusion and expectation from the encounter earlier today. Had he seen·experienced·what his brain was remembering? Or was he completely over the edge now; hallucinating? No matter·if it was madness, then he was well and truly in it--he'd moved back into the loft that very afternoon.

He paused beside the bed, his hands shaking in nervousness and anticipation, and turned off the lamp on the night table. Blue-white moonlight streamed through the cracks in the shades, illuminating the room and casting a soft glow over everything. He looked around one last time, then pushed the covers back and climbed into the large bed, curling over onto his side.

His eyes squeezed tightly shut, he lay there for what seemed like hours, his whole body taut with nerves and nearly sick with expectation. When at last he'd figured he'd imagined the whole thing, and the first hot tears had begun to gather in his eyes, he felt a coolness blow through the room, then a shifting of the mattress behind him.

He forced himself to lie still, to keep his breathing calm and his eyes closed. The mattress shifted again, then a warm/cool arm slid over his hip and around his waist, as a solid mass drew up behind him. Soft lips gently touched the back of his neck and a whisper of a breeze blew a quiet sound past his ear· 'Blair'·

The only sound in the stillness was the soft sob he made as he turned and opened his arms in welcome.

********

"Morning, babe."

Jim rolled over when the soft words reached his ears. He yawned and reached one hand out, his fingers dancing lightly over the flesh of the man lying curled next to him. "Morning, yourself."

The smaller man yawned and stretched, his muscles playing sleekly in the early morning light; tiny beams of light catching and shading the hair that was spread across his chest. "Mmmm·I had the strangest dream last night, lover." His voice was still gravelly with sleep, and the bigger man beside him smiled.

"Yeah?" Jim smoothed his fingers through the silky curls there, sliding up to cover peaked nipples with his palms. Blair grinned at him.

"Yeah. Already, man?"

"Making up for lost time?" The palms rubbed gentle circles over the taut buds, and Jim smiled when a soft moan rose from his lover's lips, followed by a slight gasp.

"More like just horny all the time."

The bigger man shrugged. "If it gets me what I want·" He teased one thumb over a tiny, erect nipple.

The smaller man shivered, a hot grin playing over his lips. "And what·oh!·do you want?"

"What do you think?" was the soft whisper, before Jim covered Blair's mouth with his own.

His answer was a quiet moan, lost in the depth of their mouths, as they fused themselves together; two bodies to one, one soul, one love.

********

"So what are we doing today?" Blair paused beside the bed and picked up his discarded sweats and tee shirt. Well, really Jim's sweats and tee. He threw an impish grin to his lover when the bigger man cleared his throat and glared, gesturing at the clothing.

"Nothing's sacred, is it?"

"They're comfortable." Sandburg widened his grin, then dropped the clothing down again. "I could just always go in the buff," he waggled his eyebrows.

"You could·" Ellison leered at him. "But we wouldn't get much done, now, would we?"

"Guess that all depends on what you wanted to do."

Jim shivered from the heat in his lover's voice and stepped closer to the younger man. "What I want to do," he began in a low, husky tone, "is love you until the end of time, and then start all over again." He slid his fingers through the auburn silk that curled around Blair's face, and tilted Sandburg's head upward so he could smile into bottomless blue eyes. "Does that work for you, baby?" The last word was breathed across the full, sensuous lips of his mate and Jim smiled faintly at the shiver that tripped through the younger man.

"Y..yeah·" the rest of the reply was lost when Blair opened his mouth to welcome the questing tongue licking at his lips.

The two men twined themselves together slowly, hands stroking over hard and sinewy muscle covered in soft, warm skin; bodies touching at every point possible.

Soft whispers and low moans were punctuated by the sounds of kissing and sucking, and flesh stroking over flesh.

Jim smiled gently against his lover's mouth. His mate was quivering helplessly as he stroked and teased his fingers over the swollen buds poking from his chest. He bent his head and laved each one in turn with long, broad strokes of his tongue, wetting them and the dark, curly hair around them generously. When Blair was moaning and whimpering, body taut with need, Jim blew a breath a cool air over the damp peaks, his own body shaking when Blair shuddered and breathed out explosively, gasping his name.

"Jim! Oh, lover·please·" Blair arched his head back, pushing his chest upward toward the bigger man. The softest of whispers floated down to Ellison then, "I missed you·and this·so bad·"

His soul ached at the pain that was still in those words, in that beloved voice. He lifted his head and gently urged Blair's back up so he could look at him; so he could look into the dark blue eyes that took on a smoky hue when the younger man was aroused.

"I love you," he growled softly. "I have always loved you, and I will love you until time stops and begins again. As long as I'm within your heart, and you are within mine, we will always be together."

"You'll always be in my heart, Jim." The words were quiet, but carried an impact equal to having been screamed. Jim felt his stomach coil tightly. The coil tightened when Blair slid down his body, coming to kneel in front of him, warm hands resting on his thighs, sending tendrils of icy heat moving through him. The younger man's voice was rough and warm, pitched low to send shivers of pleasure through his lover. "You're so beautiful. It's like making love to a god."

Jim glanced downward, his eyes lingering on the beautiful face, caressing each plane with his eyes, then moving to take in the pouty mouth that was hovering near him. "What's your reason today?" he managed, his voice ragged with love and need.

Blair shook his head, shifting himself so that he could envelope the tip of the straining penis with his mouth, sucking gently for a moment. He pulled away then, asking quietly, "I don't need one anymore, do I."

"No·" Jim groaned, his hands reaching out to grasp Blair's head, then settling there, fingers curling slightly. "Oh, god, no, baby·you·ah!·ohhh·you don't."

"Didn't think so." Blair gave him what he could only term an impish grin, then leaned in and sucked Jim's full length into his mouth.

"Ohmygod·" Jim shuddered, and rubbed the silky hair, twining his fingers through it, his body throbbing in time to his heartbeat; the blood in his body flowing faster in reaction to the incredible working Blair was giving his shaft.

He looked down, struck by the eroticism of the moment·of how his cock looked sliding in and out of that lush mouth. He looked a little further down and shuddered, then watched Blair stroke himself in time to the hot sucking he was giving Jim. He groaned long and low, his body tense with need, with soul-deep pain, with love. Like his mate, he'd missed this too, and he hadn't allowed himself to believe he could have anything like it again.

That he could at once gladdened and saddened him. Glad because Blair was with him·that they were together again. Equally sad because of what that meant for Blair.

But then he couldn't think any longer; coherency checked out for him. Blair's mouth was so hot·so wet·such incredible suction pulling him in and holding him, then letting him slide out, only to start over again. He moaned and gripped the soft locks in his hands a little tighter, holding Blair's head, steadying it.

"Gotta, baby·" he groaned, moving his hips in a very meaningful manner. "Need it all·"

Blair nodded and looked up at him with eyes hot and dark and hungry. Jim shuddered and thrust into the welcoming warmth. He whimpered slightly when hot fingers reached up and cupped his testicles, rolling them in the velvety soft sacs they were cradled in. When the fingers closed around him and pulled gently, he moaned and thrust harder, his need for release building faster and faster.

He watched Blair sucking him; he watched Blair jacking himself. His body was going to spontaneously combust in a moment.

"Soon·" he moaned softly, rocking his hips a little, then thrusting harder into Blair's mouth. "Suck me, baby·take it in·ohgod, Blair·gonna come·gotta·oh·god·YES!!!" The last word burst from his mouth in a shout as he released himself into his lover's mouth, groaning at the sheer sensation of pumping hot and cold, light and dark, bright and shadow. Of giving himself at the same time he was greedily taking the pleasure.

Blair's throat worked, swallowing convulsively, massaging him with the tight muscles there. A long, low moan and a vice-like tightening signaled his lover's release, and Jim managed to find the strength to open his eyes and look down; to watch the creamy semen as it left Blair's body. Ellison gasped when the younger man pulled his mouth off of his still throbbing cock, the gasped again when Blair arched his body back, stroking himself furiously, liquid light exploding from him. For a moment he was caught in the beams of sunlight bouncing through the windows, and a nimbus glowed around him, illuminating him. The older man fell to his knees in front of Blair and took his mouth roughly while they shuddered together through the end of the orgasm.

Blair's face was damp. Jim knew that they were his tears there; tears of joy, of shame, of sorrow. Warmer heat stroked over him and Jim nearly cried again, knowing that Blair was gently licking the salty droplets from him.

"Don't," the soft low voice soothed. "It's okay, Jim. It's what I wanted. It's what I needed. To be with you."

"But you shouldn't have--"

Blair shook his head, easing back to look at Jim. "I didn't. You know that. You were here with me. Lover, look at me." He eased his hands up around Jim's face, cupping and cradling, looking into pain-filled eyes. "I'd been dead already for a year, Jim. The day you died I stopped living. It just took me longer to know that·for it to actually happen."

"You shouldn't be yet," the older man ground out, crushing the smaller body tight against him. "But god help me, I need you. I need you with me. In life, in death, in everything, everywhere."

"Death is just one term for moving on to somewhere else," Blair's voice was soft, his face buried against Jim's chest. "I want to move on with you. Please, Jim." He sat back again, and looked up. "Don't be sad, don't be ashamed. I'm right where I need to be. Right where I want to be."

"You were so sad," Jim replied hoarsely. "I just had to see you one more time, to tell you I could still comfort you in some ways; could still be here for you. I never realized that it would mean·that you would·"

"I didn't!" Blair sat back in exasperation. "I didn't kill myself, Jim. You know that, lover. Look inside your heart and tell me what you see. Look inside mine. I·don't know what happened·and I don't care, anymore. What's done, is done. I'm where I'm supposed to be--with you."

"And I'm glad," Jim whispered, pulling Blair back against him and shifting to hold him in his lap. He petted and stroked the dark sable curls, listening to the quiet murmurs and soft breath of his lover. He'd missed this even more than the loving. Just holding on to Blair, stroking and touching him, letting their bodies touch as their souls merged. This had always soothed whatever pain he'd had before; it still worked now.

They rocked and held each other for a long time, watching the shadows lengthen and move across the floor and walls. Sound and light shifted around them, changing and moving with intricate patterns. Jim rubbed his face through the dark silk curling around his fingers, breathing in the deep, rich scent of his lover. The shadows darkened, but they stayed there, holding on, not needing to move, only needing one another.

How long they sat there, just holding each other, Jim never did know. The passage of time was different for them now; it could have been a day, a week, a year, and it would have felt the same. Strange and yet familiar sounds were echoing in his head, and he realized that it was an echo from the hallway outside the loft. He shook the man sleeping in his arms gently. "Heads up, Chief. Company coming."

Blair gave him a lazy, sunny, sleepy smile and stretched. "Mmmm. Guess we should get dressed, hmm?"

"Be a good idea. Even if they can't--"

"See us," Blair finished softly. "Right." He shifted up out of the warmth cradling him and reached for the clothing he'd discarded before.

Jim reached for his own, frowning when he noted the fine layer of dust covering everything. He shook his head, then pulled his clothing on--khaki pants, tee shirt, and soft flannel shirt. Blair pulled on the sweats and tee, laughing softly.

"What?"

"At least you get respectable clothing--I'm dressed like a street person."

"Maybe that'll teach you to swipe a man's clothes."

"Not likely." Blair wandered over to the stairs and sat down on the landing. "C'mon, sit with me." He patted the spot next to him, and Jim sat, waiting expectantly to see who their visitor would be.

********

Simon Banks walked into the loft slowly, looking around, his mind already tossing at him how it used to look. "I can't believe it's been three months," he muttered quietly to his companion. "Hell, I can't believe it happened at all."

"Come on, Simon·anyone looking at the kid could see he was flat out miserable after Ellison's death." Joel Taggart stepped fully into the room, closing the door behind him. "Sometimes grief has a way of catching up with you."

"I suppose," the big man muttered, walking around, absently looking at the pictures still on walls, at the papers still stacked on the coffee table. "I should have been more attuned to what was going on. Should have seen--"

"You better stop that right now," Joel laid a gentle hand on Simon's arm. "There was nothing you could have done--it wasn't like he killed himself." The bomb-squad captain let go of Banks' arm and walked to the foot of the stairs, looking up. "My grandfather·after my grandmother died, he just gave up, too. Mom and I went to visit one morning, and found him still in bed, curled up around a pillow, the sweetest smile on his face. I guess after 48 years of being together, he couldn't face life without her."

"Blair and Jim weren't together for 48 years, Taggart."

"The length of time doesn't invalidate the strength of the emotion, Simon. Man, didn't you ever watch the two of them together? See the way they looked at each other, sense how they loved one another?"

"Yeah," Simon smiled grudgingly. "Nothing could make Ellison light up the way the kid could. I guess," he paused and sighed heavily, "I guess I'm happy that they're together, anyway."

Taggart smiled at him. "Deep down inside you're a softie, man."

Banks scoffed. "Which one of us is spouting all that nonsense about emotions?" His face softened as he looked up at the stairs. "Yeah, I guess maybe I am," he added quietly. "I sure as hell like to think that they're together, and happy, wherever they are." The sun sparkled through the windows, casting a soft golden glow over the landing. For just a moment Simon would have sworn he saw--

"No," he said out loud, shaking his head.

"No, what?" Joel's confused voice rang from small bedroom he'd been poking in.

"No, I'm not going to call the real-estate agent. This place is paid for· Jim's insurance money provided enough that I can pay the taxes on it for a while· Let's just leave things be for now."

Taggart grinned as he came into the living room. "Any particular reason?"

Simon shrugged. "Just a feeling, I guess," he muttered quietly, looking up the stairs again. "Let's go. I need to get back to the station."

Joel didn't say anything, just smiled at his friend. Banks threw him an impatient look and headed for the door, opening it and gesturing the other man into the hallway. As he turned to pull the door closed he murmured quietly, "Have a good one, guys."

Up on the landing, in a brilliant pool of sunshine, two men smiled at one another, then slowly climbed to their feet and headed down the stairs.

~Finis~

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