Finding The Way
by KimAnne
© October 2004

The room was quiet after Johnny finished speaking. Justin didn’t know what to say and he was pretty sure no one else did either. What would he say after being told that they didn’t have any money after working hard for years? That the person they had trusted to manage the group, had been stealing from them all along?

Chris’s legs hadn’t stopped bouncing since they sat down; Justin stared at them for a minute before he raised his eyes to Chris’s face. He didn’t need to worry though because Chris stared at the table and nothing else. His whole body was tense and Justin assumed he was really pissed off.

JC was next to Chris; he seemed to lean toward Chris but his back was straight. His face was completely blank and that made Justin uncomfortable. JC’s face always showed everything, at least to them, and to see JC so guarded... frightened Justin. It was just something else that had changed because of fucking Lou.

Lance just looked angry and he felt Lance was competing with Chris for who could stare at the table longer and harder.

And Joey. He looked a little lost. Justin himself felt numb. He never thought anything like this could happen to him. He had done everything he was asked. They sung and danced, night after night – day after day, all the while secure in the knowledge that Lou was taking care of the money. Turned out he was, just into his own bank account.

Four years worth of blood, sweat, tears and trips to the hospital and they couldn’t afford one new apartment.

“I know this a shock.” Johnny’s voice cut through the silence. “We’ll work through it, hire lawyers and a team to go over the contract and see what we can do about changing it...”

“We need to get out of it.” Lance said.

“I’m not sure if that’s possible, Lance. You all signed it, TransCon has you.”

Lance shook his head. “There’s always a loop whole.”

Johnny leaned back into his chair. “You could lose more than just the right to release music under TransCon. They’ll probably try to block the next album, maybe even want your name.”

“Can they do that?” Chris asked. Justin noticed he was still staring at the table.

“It’s possible.” Johnny shrugged. “It’s too early to tell. I’ll know more after all documents have been examined more carefully.”

“What do we do in the mean time?” Justin asked. He didn’t think he could just sit around and wait while things were reviewed, discussed and dissected to death.

“Write and record.”

Chris sat up straight in his chair. “You just said they could block that, or take our name? Why the hell should we record?”

Justin reached out and placed his hand on Chris’s knee and squeezed. That leg stopped bouncing but the other continued at a fast pace.

“Nothing is set in stone, Chris. You shouldn’t let this stop you. Make it light a fire under your asses and create a kick ass album.”

Chris took a deep breath. “For them?”

“I agree with Chris.” JC interrupted before Chris went into his tirade. Justin knew it was going to be a long one by the way Chris had taken a long breath. Justin glanced at JC, he wasn’t sure if JC had been watching or if it was JC’s freakiness that made him aware of each of them.

JC continued, “And you. But. If we make the album I don’t want TransCon to have it. I don’t think any of us do. I don’t want to speak for anyone, but personally I don’t want to give that man another dime even if our contract can be rewritten.” JC ran his fingers through his hair and leaned forward until his elbows rested on the table.

“Here’s the thing,” JC started and before he continued he looked at each of them. “I think our next record could be great. I want to make it. I want to show Lou what he’s going to miss because he screwed us. I also want to make them pay, which may not be possible, but we aren’t puppets on a string. We have our own minds and souls and we’re going to prove that with this next record.”

“What happens if they take our name?” Justin asked. This bothered him more than the money. In Justin’s mind they could make more, but what would happen if they couldn’t be ‘N SYNC anymore? The name was personal, they thought of it themselves -- well, more or less.

Justin realized that the leg beneath his hand had stopped vibrating so he looked to his right. Chris looked at him and his eyes were filled with such sadness that Justin wanted to hug him. In a blink, though, the moment was broken as Chris turned his attention to JC.

JC seemed fired up but he never raised his voice. “Our name is important to us, sure, but it’s not what makes us. We make us. Ultimately I would want us to keep the name, we worked hard creating a reputation, but we can do that again under something just as personal to us. We can do this. It’s still the five of us, that’s what makes us special. Right?”

He looked around the table again. Justin noticed that everyone was nodding their heads and looked a little livelier than before. Everyone but Chris. Chris’s eyes were downcast and his fingers were locked tightly together. Justin raised his hand from Chris’s knee reaching for those clenched fists, but Chris stood up and walked out.

“Chris,” JC called but he was ignored.

JC started to rise but Justin was already out of his chair. “I’ll take care of it.” He hurried out of the room and saw Chris nearing the end of the hall thirty feet away. Chris’s shoulders were slumped and his hands were buried in his pockets.

That pissed Justin off. He jogged until he was at Chris’s side and then pushed him against the wall.

“What the fuck Justin?!”

“Where are you going? We aren’t finished yet.” Justin said as he held Chris’s shoulders against the wall.

“We are. What more is there to say?”

“Plenty. We have plans to make, a CD to record.”

“There isn’t going to be a CD,” Chris said through clenched teeth.

“You think JC is going to be stopped? You just heard his motivational speech. I can’t see him backing down.”

“You guys can’t think this is all going to go away. This situation is fucked. We’re fucked.”

Justin pushed at Chris’s shoulders. “We aren’t.” He said firmly. At Chris’s raised eyebrows, Justin added, “Ok. We are at the moment but that’ll change.”

“You can’t know that.” Chris insisted.

“And you can’t know that it won’t.” Justin smirked because it was good logic, it was Chris-logic taught a long time ago in a country far far away.

Chris sighed deeply. “Look. This is all my fault. We all know it even if none of you have the balls to say so.”

Justin cocked his head. “Your fault?”

Chris snorted. “We’re fucked. That, Justin, is the reality of the situation. And I was the one that recruited all of you. I signed those papers. I’m the oldest member of the group. I should have known better. And instead I’ve pretty much fucked over our future.”

“You don’t know that. You have no idea how this will all turn out.” Justin relaxed his hands but didn’t pull them away.

“How can you be so optimistic? You’ve been hanging with JC too much. His view of the music is all that matters and that will get us through is a little much to swallow from him, let alone you too.”

“Fuck no. I want the money. I want the respect of those around us and I sure as hell don’t ever want to see Lou again.”

Chris’s eyes bugged a little, so Justin smirked and added, “And, yeah, of course it’s about the music too.”

Chris laughed and shook his head as he looked at the ground. “J, I feel like I’ve let you all down. And to have you out here trying to convince me otherwise is proving my point all the same.” He looked up and met Justin’s eyes. “The weight on your shoulders is too much already without you worrying about me. You should be out there without a care in the world, enjoying life, not thinking about contracts and money.”

“That is my life, Chris. It’s what I want. It’s what I’ve always wanted. I’m not happy about the situation and I’m sure I’ll breakdown eventually but right now I’m ok. The five of us together can beat this, but it has to be the five of us. You taught me that.” Justin moved his right hand to cup Chris’s neck. He moved his thumb to stroke the skin lightly. Justin felt Chris’s body tense.

“Justin.” Chris’s voice sounded stern. “Now is not the time.”

Justin smiled. “According to you it’s never the right time. There’s always something; too young, too busy, too old, too something. This right here, this fucking situation is something that we could’ve never seen coming...”

“I should have,” Chris interrupted.

Justin squeezed Chris’s neck. “That is not my point. The point is that if you wait for the perfect time then it will never come.”

“That’s right. It shouldn’t. And man, when did you start talking like you’re thirty, hmm?”

“You can make all the jokes you want, Chris. I’m not going to give up so you might as well give in. JC says it’s just a matter of time.”

“You talk to JC about this?”

“What don’t I talk to JC about?”

“Smart ass Infant.” But Chris smiled.

“Maybe the first step is to stop calling me that. I’ve been through the same hell you have from the beginning of this. And even though you hate it, you know I’m not a regular 18 year old.”

“That still doesn’t mean... You know what? I’m not talking about this right now. Seriously. I was having a crisis of not being needed but you ruined it by bringing your pretty, pouting face out here so we might as well go back in.”

As Chris tried to push away from the wall Justin didn’t loosen his grip, instead he ducked his head slightly to get Chris’s attention.

“I don’t want to hear that you think you’re not wanted anymore. A smart person told me that a few years ago.”

Chris sighed. “Justin, that was about you thinking we didn’t want to hang around you because you were so young. You felt left out from the bigger kids. This is thousands of dollars and huge breach of trust.”

“Yes. Money that Lou stole, trust that Lou broke. Not you.”

“I’m the one - -”

“Jesus, Chris.” Justin backed away and leaned against the opposite wall. “Why are you so bent on bringing this all back to you? We all read the same document, all took the same chance. Just because you brought us together doesn’t mean that you get to feel worse than the rest of us.”

Chris’s eyes narrowed. “That is not what this is about.”

“No?” Justin challenged. “I’ve been living with you for years and I know your patterns. I’m not stupid and neither are they.” Justin pointed his left arm down the hall. “You think the more you take on yourself the easier it will be for us.”

Justin watched as Chris bumped his sneaker against the wall behind him. “Are you sure you’re only 18?”

He shrugged. “That’s what my mama told me.”

Chris looked up. “It’s not this simple, you know. It can’t be fixed with one conversation.”

“I know,” Justin said indignantly.

Chris smiled and took a few steps to close the distance between them. He placed his hand against Justin’s neck, just like Justin had done to him. Justin couldn’t help it. His heart began to race.

“You don’t,” Chris said gently before he continued. “But you will.”

Chris patted his neck and then took a step back. “And don’t flirt with the old man, it’s not good for my heart.”

Justin grinned. “I’m good for it and you know it. I’m just waiting on you.”

As they walked back Chris bumped his arm into Justin’s and they shared a smile. “You know who we have to worry about, right?”

Justin made an inquisitive sound.

“JC. He bottles everything up.” Chris said.

“He’ll be fine.”

“Yeah? Well, we all have habits, as you so nicely pointed out.”

Justin took a few quick steps to get to the room first and opened the door. “Yeah, but C survived LA, I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Justin wasn’t able to read the look Chris shot him, but it made Justin’s stomach flip. Justin glanced around the room until he found JC. He was standing off to the side with Joey having an intense conversation. He followed Chris back to the table and sat down. As Justin shifted in the seat he felt Chris’s arm rest along the top of his chair. Justin smiled, rolled his head to the side to look at Chris and winked at him.

Joey watched Chris leave the room and was glad when Justin followed. Chris was prickly and the situation was only going to make it worse; Joey figured Justin was the best suited to deal with Chris. He was less likely to physically attack Justin. Joey winced and immediately felt bad for that thought so he stood up with the intention of doing something. But JC, who had seem stuck to his chair as he darted his eyes between the door, Lance and Joey seemed as though he was confused yet determined at the same time. Joey was weighing the pros and cons of figuring out what had JC tied in knots or checking on Lance, when JC popped out of his chair and strode toward Joey. It was a quick walk and Joey actually took a stop back.

JC stopped right in front of Joey but didn’t say anything. While Joey was normally patient with that sort of behavior, his patience was no where to be found.

“What’s up?” Joey asked when JC was silent.

“I just think we need to watch them.”

“Who? The guys?” Joey asked.

“Yes. They’re all dealing with things that we probably can’t help too much with.”

“JC, I think you’re overreacting.”

JC glared at Joey. Joey stared back until he couldn’t any longer and looked down, feeling like a schmuck.

“I’m not. Lance is a freak with details lately and this gives him something to get really distracted with, we have to make sure that he doesn’t get too obsessed. And Chris, you know that he’s blaming himself for this. Justin, well, he’s been pretty sheltered for most of his life in regards to relationships so this has to hit him hard.”

“He looked fine to me.”

Another glare.

“Christ JC, yes I realize that we’re taking this hard, but we should. We’re all going to deal with it differently. I’m sure Chris is going to get drunk tonight, I know I am. And of course I’ll keep an eye out for everyone.”

JC looked upset. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply you wouldn’t, but it’s just that... I wanted to talk to you about it. I’m afraid that they would just get all quiet.”

“Chris and Justin? Quiet?” At JC’s blank look, Joey sobered again. “Quiet. I don’t get what you’re saying. The watching out, that’s fine. You think they’ll pull away from us?

JC looked relieved. “Yes, exactly.”

“And when I’m doing all this looking, does it include you?”

“What?” JC seemed genuinely surprised. “Why? I’m fine.”

Joey smiled. “And I’m sure if you were to ask the three of them the same question you would get the ‘I’m fine’ answer too. Let’s just assume that we aren’t fine, we suck right now, but we’ll get better. Just like you said.”

“See, I knew you’d understand.” JC practically beamed at him. Joey still marveled at the way JC could be so pleased about something so small. He had wondered in the past how JC would react to something big and bad. Now Joey a front seat for it and the first thing he saw was JC making sure everyone else was fine.

Joey slung an arm over JC’s shoulders and said, “I’ll tell you if I’m worried about something, and you’ll tell me if you see anything out of the ordinary.” Joey waggled his eyebrows and JC laughed.

“You’re a freak, dude. Seriously though? We need to make sure we don’t fall apart here. We’re stronger together and I really think we can come out on top.”

JC was so earnest that Joey stopped kidding around. “I agree. Give us some time to deal with it all. Chris will come around and you know Justin won’t let him get far.”

As though they were summoned, Chris entered the room followed by Justin. He watched as they sat down and Chris threw an arm across Justin’s chair. Joey thought Chris looked fine, a little tired around the eyes, but mostly fine. Justin looked happy, the boy and his crush, Joey should’ve been taking notes. It would have made an interesting read in addition to all the video footage he’d taken. JC’s voice interrupted this thoughts.

“True. Thanks, Joey. Really.” JC patted him on the back and walked away to lean over Lance’s shoulder as Lance read the contract for probably the hundredth time. Joey watched as JC rested his hand on Lance’s neck and talked softly into Lance’s ear. A few moments later Lance sat back and pushed the contract away and JC sat down in the empty chair beside him.

Joey looked toward Justin and Chris and they weren’t talking, just sat side by side as though they were zoned together. With a deep breath Joey grabbed the nearest chair and dragged it with him; the plastic wheels made a rhythmic sound against the rug.

Chris and Justin seemed surprised when Joey plopped down next to them. “I was thinking,” Joey started. “About how much we should ask for.”

The two just stared at him. Joey brought his little pinky up to his mouth and in his best Dr. Evil voice ever said, “One million dollars.”

Chris and Justin cracked up and Joey’s job was done.

The two lawyers sat close together but separated from them. Their hands were folded exactly the same way and JC couldn’t help but think they looked lawery. “We’d like Mr. Chasez to give the bulk of the depositions,” said Old Lawyer. JC hadn’t paid attention closely when the introductions were done so he thought of them as Old Lawyer and Young Lawyer. JC glanced at Johnny who just nodded and JC resisted the urge to nod along with him.

“Why JC?” asked Justin. “Shouldn’t we all take turns?”

“We could do that.” The Young Lawyer started.

JC could already hear the condescending tone and knew that Chris’s leg was bouncing below the table and Lance’s eyes had narrowed. He didn’t need to look.

“But there are issues with almost everyone else,” finished Young Lawyer.

“I’m fine with doing it, why don’t we just leave it there.” JC tried to stop the conversation but Justin was too stubborn to let it rest. JC took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he pushed his feelings down.

“No, I want to hear why everyone else is unfit to go on record.” Justin insisted.

“Mr. Kirkpatrick is too angry, there is no way he could give an unbiased view of your time with Lou Pearlman. It would all be clouded by his feelings. Mr. Bass’s health was directly affected by the decisions by Mr. Pearlman, many would also see him as too close. Mr. Timberlake, you’re too young. It’s probably not something you want to hear, but what exactly do you know of the world? And Mr. Chasez is more articulate than Mr. Fatone which makes him, in our opinion, the only logical choice.”

“That’s bullshit!” Justin exclaimed as he sat forward in the chair and pointed menacingly at the table. “We all are professionals here, if we need to put our emotions aside, we will.”

“Justin.” Chris said. “I really don’t want to go on record; I wouldn’t say the things that needed to be said the way they needed to be. I’d fuck it up and I’ve had enough of that.”

“That doesn’t make JC perfect.”

The Old Lawyer interrupted before his partner could speak and stated in a steady voice, “Mr. Timberlake. After spending time with you all, Mr. Chasez is the one – period. He is calm, cool, articulate and carries himself in a professional manner.”

“But we all have something to say. We all should be able to say it.” JC could see that Justin was winding up for a long argument. Chris must have seen it too because he interrupted Justin by softly speaking his name. Justin snapped his mouth shut but stood quickly and left the room.

JC sighed. He looked at Old Lawyer because if he looked at Young Lawyer he wouldn’t be held responsible for his actions which he doubted would be considered professional. “Whatever you want. Just tell me where to be and what information you’re looking for and I’ll make sure I’m prepared.” He stood from his chair and walked toward the door. As he left JC heard Joey say “since when is JC the articulate one?” and smiled as he looked for Justin.

JC found Justin in the bathroom, which was a bit clichéd for JC, but Justin was a teenager, so it made sense.

“Go away Chris, I want to be left alone.” Justin said as JC pushed the door open. JC could hear the tremble in Justin’s voice as he fought for control.

“Not Chris, me.” JC shut the door behind him and leaned against it. “What’s up J? Do you really care about going on record?”

“Yes. I think it’s important. Why don’t you?” Justin asked.

As JC pushed himself away from the door he turned the lock. Justin sat on the floor, feet flat as his arms rested on his knees. JC sat next to him and made sure their shoulders touched.

“It’s not that I don’t think it’s important, I just think, business wise, it’s better to have a spokesperson.”

“Why? We all were there, we all went through hell, watched Lance get sick, danced and danced until we were so tired we could barely walk. What makes you more fit to tell it than me?” Justin asked and pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes.

“Do you really want to do it? Do you want them asking you the same questions over and over? You want to be the one that signs his name to the document that Lou will read?”

“But it’s not all bad, it can’t be. All of our stories would be different; you’d get a better view of the situation if we all talked about what it was like.”

JC looked into Justin’s watery eyes. “Justin. Just because you aren’t at the forefront of this doesn’t mean you aren’t helping.”

Justin blinked and looked away.

“The lawyers know our story because we told them about it. The five of us did – together. Officially having one voice is probably better. Do I agree with why they chose me? Not really. But it’s done.”

“It’s just, it seems that everyone has a part to play but me. Y’all think I’m too young. I’m not though. I can handle everything that you guys can. I’ve proved that over and over again.”

JC put his hand on Justin’s arm as it rested against his knee. “We don’t think that. The lawyers do. They see 18 years old, and only see the number, not the person. If we thought you were too young do you think Chris would be your best friend? Or that I wouldn’t kick Chris’s ass if I didn’t think you could handle him?”

Justin grinned though it disappeared quickly. “I’m trying to be strong but I feel useless.”

“You’re not. You were the one to get through to Chris. You’ve made him see that it wasn’t his fault, something that Joey and I tried to do but he didn’t want to hear it from us. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, that’s why we’re stronger together.”

“But the depositions...” Justin said. “I really wanted to tell Lou off. We trusted him and he betrayed us.”

“That’s why you can’t give it.” JC said gently.

Justin lowered his head to his arms but turned so he could look at JC. “Aren’t you pissed? How will you be able to be cool and calm?”

JC shrugged. “Not sure yet, but I will be because that’s my part in this.”

“You have too many parts,” Justin mumbled. “I just feel like everything I knew is a lie. He promised us so many things, instead we got musty and cold hotel rooms, two and three shows a day and we have nothing to show for it. Plus he wants our name.”

JC moved his hand from Justin’s arm and put it on Justin’s head and squeezed. “Our name is not who we are.”

“It is though.”

“It’s not. Not in our hearts. We’ll still be us if we have to use something else. It’ll suck, but it can be done.”

“How can you be so calm about it all?” Justin rubbed his face against his sleeve, drying tears that never fell. “I don’t want Chris to know about this.”

JC leaned over and put his head close to Justin’s and ran his fingers through Justin’s hair. “Chris isn’t going to think any less of you.”

“I just got him to stop looking at me like a little kid, I can’t be crying.” Justin explained as though it were obvious.

“Crying isn’t bad. I’m sure we all will admit to crying at some point over the last week.”

“I guess.” They sat in silence until the doorknob jiggled

“Hey!” Chris yelled through the door. “I need to pee. Conference is over. Come on, come on comeoncomeon...” Chris’s voice trailed off but the knocking continued.

JC pushed off the floor and held his hand out to Justin and pulled him up.

“Thanks JC.” Justin said and smiled slightly.

JC just returned the smile and ruffled Justin’s hair, which he yelped about in protest. JC unlocked the door and pulled it open. “He’s all yours,” he said to Chris as he passed.

Lance arched his back and rotated his neck as he tried to relieve the stiff muscles. He glanced at his watch: 2:35am. He hadn’t planned on another late night, yet he was still in Johnny’s conference room surrounded by contracts, notes and empty soda cans as he stared at his laptop.

He had gone through their contract too many times to count but he still felt he missed something, so he started again and referenced the notes he had typed up as he read. This was his routine over the past weeks; spend the day planning with managers and lawyers and the evening reading about the law and learning the lingo in order to keep them safe. It was something Lance felt was necessary.

Lance jumped at the sound of the door as it opened. Joey stood in the doorway, keys dangled from his finger and he looked pissed. Lance hadn’t been actively avoiding Joey however burying himself in paper went a long way in shutting himself off from all of them. He never felt as though he carried the same weight as the rest of them since he recovered from the collapse. It was something that Lance couldn’t shake. And there was Joey, ass o’clock in the morning and Lance just knew it wasn’t going to end with him standing up and calmly stating his case. Joey had that effect on him.

“Lance,” Joey said, disapprovingly.

“Joey.”

“You’re here again.”

“Your power of observation is astounding Joey.”

The door shut with a soft snick and Joey walked over to stand opposite of Lance with the table between them. Joey dropped his keys to the table; they sounded loud in the room.

“What are you doing?” Joey said, he sounded desperate.

“I’m going over things again to make sure I understand.”

“You need sleep. You’re not superman.”

“I’m fine. I sleep when I can, but right now this is all more important than that.”

Joey’s fist slammed down onto the table. “No it’s not. You think that if you memorize every little line, all the fine print – that you’ll understand what happened? We got screwed Lance, that’s all we need to know. There’s nothing you can do about it right now but be with us as we fight.”

Angry, Lance stood up. “What do you think I’m doing? You think I’m killing myself over what happened? I’m here trying to make sure it never happens again. I’m learning all the little clauses that are put in, everything, so we know what we are signing this time. That’s why I’m here.” Nastily he added, “Or would you rather I stopped?”

“That’s not the point. You’re barely sleeping. You’re not allowing anyone else to help you. It’s like you have to be the one to do it. Chris offered today to help and you shot him down. Do you even remember what you said?”

Lance looked down at the clutter and moved a pen so it rested parallel to the laptop. “Something about him going to college didn’t mean that made him smarter than me,” he said softly.

“You also said that you didn’t think having him looking at it was such a good idea, considering what happened last time.”

“No I didn’t.” Lance sounded shocked. He would never say anything like that to Chris; Lance knew how much Chris blamed himself. For him to feed into that would be unforgivable.

“You did. I heard you. Justin heard you and Chris did too if the way he left the room was any indication. You don’t remember because you’re so focused on fucking papers to take notice of us. We’re supposed to be doing this together yet you’ve isolated yourself.”

“It has to be done Joey.”

“I’m not saying it doesn’t, but Jesus Christ, Lance, at least look at us when you talk. Acknowledge that we want to help and think before you speak.”

Lance shifted more papers together into a neat pile before he raised his head toward Joey. “This job is boring, I was sparing you guys.”

“Bull shit.”

“I was!” Lance insisted. “JC is busy talking all day, Justin is moping, Chris is silently fuming, you’re...”

“I’m what? Useless?”

“That’s not. I mean. No, I didn’t mean it like that.” Lance stammered.

Joey slowly made his way around the table until he was beside Lance. “We might not all have important jobs like contract reading and deposition giving, but we’re all doing something. Right now I’m taking care of you.”

“I’m fine. It’s Justin that probably needs some help. Being betrayed like this is something he’s never experienced.”

“You have?” Joey asked gently.

“Well, not on this magnitude, but sure, most of us have been screwed by someone.” Lance had stopped looking at Joey, it was too hard to meet his eyes and Lance was too tired to lie convincingly.

“Lance, why are you killing yourself?”

Lance chuckled unkindly. “Melodramatic much? I’m just making sure we’re safe in the future.”

“At what price?” Joey reached forward and grabbed Lance’s arm. “You don’t have to continually prove that you belong here Lance.”

He tried to tug his arm away but Joey just tightened his grip. “I know that, I’m not a child. This is just important, it needs to be done.”

“No doubt, but it can wait until tomorrow.”

“It can’t though. All this stuff – it has to be in order and I have to remember it all. We didn’t have any control before, now we do and I’m not going to squander it.”

“Like the pen and papers have to be, just right?”

Lance nodded. “Yes. Exactly. It’s all about control.”

Joey’s eyes were sad. “But Lance, you can’t control everything, it’s impossible.”

“Not if we try hard enough.”

“You can’t. You need to learn that. You didn’t know I was coming over here tonight, that right there warps your plan.”

“It was just a matter of time until you came.” Lance shrugged. “I’m not that surprised really. I’m not talking about everything either, I’m talking about our future. We’ll control it this time, like JC said ‘no more strings.’”

“If I thought for one second you just looked at the information gathering and studying as a way to look out for us I wouldn’t be here.” Joey’s glanced at the table, then back to Lance. “You’ve taken it too far. You’re obsessed with it.”

“I’m not. I’m just trying to pull my weight.” Lance rotated his wrist in Joey’s grasp.

Joey reached over and pushed the lid to the laptop down. “Consider your weight pulled. Tomorrow, or today actually, you will let Justin, Chris and I help you go over and organize things. None of this working by yourself.”

“I can handle it.” Lance insisted.

“I’m sure you can.” Joey squeezed Lance’s shoulders. “But you’re starting to look like you did before you got sick. I’m worried about you. We know that things are serious, but there are five of us, there isn’t a reason why we can’t all carry some of the load.”

“I know you’re right,” Lance’s breath hitched and he tried to swallow the tears but he was so tired. “I just want everything to work out for us. We worked so hard already, and to have nothing, it’s like...”

Joey pulled him into a hug and Lance hung on as though his life depended on it. Lance had been careful to not show his emotions, he hadn’t wanted the others to think he was weak. He wanted to be strong where he wasn’t in the past; he didn’t want to be the link that was soft. Lance cried softly on Joey’s shoulder, for the first time since the whole lawsuit started Lance let go of his strict control and just... was.

Time passed, Lance didn’t know how much, but after a while he pulled away from Joey and actually smiled. “Not quite what you bargained for was it?”

Joey shrugged. “Ahh, it was just a matter of time. I’m not that surprised really.”

Surprised, Lance laughed and then hiccupped. “You gonna take me home now?”

“Actually I figured you could stay with me tonight. You say you’re going to sleep, but for now I need to make sure.”

“Are you going to tie me to the bed?” Lance snorted, then hurriedly shut down the computer and straighten up the clutter.

“You into that? I should warn JC.”

Lance’s head snapped up. “Why?”

Joey smiled widely. “No reason. Come on, let’s go. It will be here for you later and we’ll talk about delegating some of the work. You should like that part, you’ll give orders to Justin and Chris and they’ll follow them. What a rush, right?”

He grinned. “Sure. You have to follow what I say too you know.”

Joey threw an arm over Lance’s shoulder as they walked out of the room. “We’ll see about that. I think I’m better suited for comedic relief than paperwork.”

Lance flicked the light switch as they left and for the first time in weeks didn’t feel as though he was letting anyone down. He leaned into Joey as they walked down the hall and just enjoyed the feeling of warmth.

The phone rang five or six times before she picked up. Joey immediately felt bad that it was so far after midnight that the first thing he did was apologize. “I’m sorry it’s so late,” Joey said.

“It’s ok,” Kelly mumbled. “What’s the matter?”

Joey shrugged. “Nothing that hasn’t been wrong for weeks now. I think it’s just getting to me.”

“It would, it’s probably getting to all of you.”

Joey could hear the sheets rustle through the phone and knew she had sat up against the headboard. “True, but it’s hard to watch everyone self-destruct in their own way.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighed. “Chris and Justin are doing this dance, a dance they’ve been doing for almost a year but it’s more pronounced now. And I know Chris cares for Justin but this is not the time for them to even try anything. There are enough obstacles between them already; the lawsuit shouldn’t be what finally pushes them together.”

“Chris is smarter than that. You know that. And Justin needs someone right now and Chris is there for him.”

“I know. Chris is there for Justin. And Justin, somehow, has been able to stop Chris from sliding into a very dark place. I’m grateful for it, but I can’t stop myself from thinking the worst.”

“That isn’t like you, Joe.”

“Yeah.” Joey was silent. He had so many thoughts swirling through his head he wasn’t sure if he should share them all with her. He trusted Kelly with his life, she was his best friend and probably the one but that didn’t mean he should confess all, but Joey was tired and needed someone. So Joey explained about the deal he and JC made, about being the ones to keep everyone’s spirits up, watching Lance pour over contracts again and again, see the flirting between Chris and Justin. Just trying to make sure no one turned on each other.

Joey felt frustrated with the whole situation and the incident at Chris’s earlier that night pushed Joey to realize he needed to unload. He needed Kelly to try and understand what was happening, at least a little, so he told her about Chris’s.

They had been eating pizza at Chris’s when a small disagreement turned into something more. Joey couldn’t even remember how it started. How it ended was JC storming out leaving Lance and Chris mid-sentence. Justin sat quietly on the couch staring and Joey. He hadn’t known what to do. He had tried to get Lance and Chris to talk but they both pressed their lips together; Chris went to sit beside Justin, who had moved close enough so their legs touched, and Lance disappeared down the hallway.

Joey had gone outside and looked for JC but hadn’t seen him, although his car was still there. Lance emerged a short time later and sat at the other end of the sofa. Joey stayed on the chair and they watched TV in silence. Just before Joey was about to jump out of his skin, JC returned.

JC stood in front of the TV with his arms crossed and his eyes puffy.

“I know this is hard on all on us. We’ve been trying to make sure things are ok.” JC took a breath. “Chris if you’d rather give the deposition about our work schedule, the travel and lodging arrangements and what happened with Lance. Fine.”

Chris leaned forward on the couch. “JC, I never said I wanted to do it.”

“No,” interrupted JC. “You said that I sounded cold and uncaring when describing what lead up to his collapse.”

“You did!” Chris insisted and Joey cringed. He had honestly forgotten JC had that part of the deposition that morning. “It was all: we had weeks worth of concerts and traveling. We noticed that Lance was tired and looked pale. He slept more and we tried to get him to eat. We performed some more. Lance slept some more, performed some more before passing out afterward.”

JC seemed to squeeze himself tighter and looked toward the door but didn’t move to leave.

“Chris.” Lance’s voice was loud after Chris’s retelling. “JC did what we needed to be done.”

“Yeah. And we did what we needed to by signing with Lou and you did what you needed to by performing so sick you dropped dead.” Chris slumped back against the couch. “We all know how to do what’s needed, don’t we?”

Joey watched JC nod several times. Justin was quiet and still but had his hand on Chris’s knee and Lance had his eyes shut and head tilted toward the floor. No one looked at JC. No one but Joey and he watched JC take a deep breath, straighten his back and face the couch.

“I just wanted to get it all on record. It’s the way it happened and it had to come across controlled. The way I talk about it for the next few days has nothing to do with the way I felt during. And the offer still stands if any of you want to fill in for a few days with the lawyers, they always start at nine. Feel free stop by.” JC took a breath but continued before anyone could interrupt, however Joey didn’t think anyone would have. “It’s late, gonna get going. Can I assume there will be pizza, or something again tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Chris said softly.

“Good. I’ll see you then.” And JC left.

The room was silent. Justin moved his hand from Chris’s knee to draping his arm across Chris’s shoulders. Lance never looked up from the floor. It had taken every bit of Joey’s strength to start a conversation.

“I didn’t feel like it Kel, but they were just sitting there.” Joey finished with a sigh.

“Joey. This thing you guys are trying to do, it’s big. It’s one thing to have a part in the lawsuit, it’s another when so much hinders on the outcome. I know you realize everyone’s at their last nerve and things are going to be said that aren’t meant.”

“I know Chris didn’t mean it.”

“That’s my point. The five of you need to stick together on this. You all started it and you’ll all see it through. It sucks this happened but maybe it will bring you guys closer.”

Joey laughed. “We practically live in each other’s back pockets. We have four members all wanting to get into bed with each other. Exactly how much closer do you think we could get?”

“Four? JC and Lance? You haven’t mentioned that.” Joey could hear her smile.

“Well. JC flirts with him, although JC flirts with all of us so I probably shouldn’t use that as a sign. But. There are just things I’ve noticed.”

Kelly laughed. “Poor Joey. He’s got no one to seduce.”

He smiled. “Nah, I have you and you’ve already been seduced.” Joey glanced at the clock, it had been over an hour and he knew Kelly had to work in the morning. “Thanks for listening and just being there, it really means a lot.”

“Anytime, you know that. You can’t be there for all of them, I know you want to be. You want to be the one that makes everyone smile, but you need to take care of yourself too.”

“It’s why I called. I just needed to talk to you.” Joey sighed, feeling sad. “It’s just that I’m lucky, I have you and you’re wonderful. But who does JC turn to?”

“Oh, Joey. Deal with that in the morning ok? You need some sleep or you won’t be good for anyone.”

“I just worry.” He took a deep breath and released it and grinned. “Thanks babe. I know I woke you up, but thanks.”

“Of course. And when I call you later to bitch about how tired I am at work, you’ll just nod and apologize, right?”

“Right,” Joey said and laughed. “Good night Kel.”

“Good night,” she said and Joey clicked off the phone.

Chris paced his small living room. Each time he came to the hallway he’d stop, look down, listen and then pace again. JC had come by like he said the previous night but Chris was honestly surprised to see him. The others bailed and Chris gave it no thought.

Some time alone was probably good for him. They were huddled so closely they could feel each other breathe and while in theory it was what they needed sometimes he felt suffocated. When the guys each called one by one he was relieved and looked forward to the silence. Then the knock came.

JC stood there looking defeated and Chris couldn’t turn him away. Once JC realized no one else was there he tried to leave but Chris wouldn’t let him. Instead he peeled JC’s suit jacket from his shoulders and pushed him toward the bathroom to freshen up. JC looked like he went several bouts and lost, yet he knew JC just had meetings all day.

When JC was in the bathroom Chris called Joey.

“Man, you miss me already Kirkpatrick?” Joey said light and airy.

“No. Listen, JC’s here and. What was the subject about today?”

All humor was gone from Joey’s voice. “Why?”

Chris shrugged. “Not to sound like a drama queen but he looks like he died, totally drained.”

“I’m not sure if it was just today’s meeting or the combination of it all. Has he talked to you about any of it?”

“No, but I’m not surprised considering how much a dick I was the other night.”

Chris heard Joey let out a breath. “He hasn’t talked to me either. You know he’s not going to dump on Justin, he’s being too pigheaded trying to be strong for you.”

Chris gripped the phone tighter. “Joey...” he said warningly.

“I’m not starting anything, man, I’m trying to tell you what JC sees. There’s a chance he went to Lance, but, considering so many details dealt with Lance and his illness I figure that’s unlikely.”

“No one?” Chris asked shocked.

“I’m guessing no. I mentioned it to Kelly last night. It’s just. He and I made this deal; we’d make sure the group didn’t fall apart, that we would take care of everyone.”

“Who’s looking out for him?”

“My point exactly.” Joey had said sadly.

A toilet flushed down the hall. “I gotta go, he’s coming out.” Chris clicked the phone off without waiting for Joey to respond. JC emerged with his shirt untucked and his hair wet around the edges, looking lost. Chris wanted to cringe.

“Hungry?” Chris asked hopefully.

“No.” JC looked around. “Where is everyone? Plans change?”

“I think we all came to the conclusion that some alone time was needed. Some of us had been asses lately and probably needed to regroup themselves.”

JC smiled weakly and looked around the room again. Chris slowly moved to the couch and sat down at the end and patted the cushion next to him. “You want to talk about it?”

JC started as though he had forgotten anyone was in the room with him. JC looked at Chris and then the couch. Chris thought exhaustion won out as JC shuffled over.

“I really am sorry about the other night. I was out of line.” Chris watched JC close his eyes and nod. “I don’t think I could do what you’re doing. I know I couldn’t. I would have lost my temper already.”

“It’s not normally so bad. They ask questions, I answer them the best I can.” JC slumped back against the cushion, his eyes still shut.

“What made today so bad?” Chris turned slightly so that he wedged himself into the corner of the couch and faced JC.

JC shrugged.

“Come on JC, you need to talk to someone. You assign everyone confidents and cheer-er uppers but yourself.”

JC winced.

“Yeah, I talked to Joey and he mentioned your deal, and if I get my assed kicked tomorrow from him because I mentioned it, so be it. Jayce, we’ve been watching you walk in there day after day and walk out trying to act as nothing was wrong. We’ve allowed you to do it because it seemed like something you needed to do. But dude, you’re... You’re just not you right now.”

“Reliving it isn’t as simple as I thought it would be. The first week was mostly how we came to be, when did we meet Lou, how were things presented, how did we practice. Just stuff that we’ve spouted in interviews forever. The next topic was how recording was done, who had a say, who didn’t. That sort of thing. Then came our schedules, how much we were performing. The number of days per week, per day. Again, most stuff just drilled into my head.”

JC’s hand clenched at his pants. “Then more specific questions about travel arrangements, hotels, rooms, down time. I feel as though we spent weeks on that alone. What kind of hotels, what kind of food. Was the van heated, was it crowded. Did you ever have to double up in rooms.” JC swallowed, turned his head against the couch and looked at Chris. “I laughed at that, you know. Did we ever have to double up? Christ, that’s all we did.”

His head rolled to the front again and JC’s feet, which were shoeless – although Chris wasn’t sure when that happened – were on the cushion and JC hugged his knees. “The more I talked the more I realized we should’ve known something was up. I know that most things were normal, and it wasn’t as though we weren’t fed. We ate, we slept. It’s just looking back I see all these signs. Big, neon ones and I get so pissed off.”

JC rested his forehead on his knees and his voice became muffled. “I was asked about illnesses, did any of us get sick. Then I had to recount how Justin broke his thumb, Joey’s twisted ankle, and Lance’s collapse. They wanted to know how Lou dealt with each of them.” Chris reached over and put his hand on the back of JC’s neck and swore JC vibrated. At his touch JC looked at him; his eyes gleamed in the flickering light of the TV.

“Do you realize how much Lance hid from us? All those rehearsals when he was out of breath. Those mornings when he was the last out of bed. His loss of appetite. The fact he didn’t smile for fucking weeks! Where the hell were we?”

Chris felt JC was about to run so he quickly used the light grip on JC’s neck and pulled JC toward him. JC resisted for a moment but then gave in and laid his head on Chris’s chest. He felt JC grip his t-shirt tightly.

“All that time together, how did we miss it? It’s as much our fault as it is Lou’s.” JC’s voice was strong and had it not been for the wetness seeping through Chris’s shirt, he would have thought JC was just letting off steam. Chris held him tight and listened as JC talked about how things would have been different if he had paid attention. He just allowed JC to talk until he wound down.

The silence that followed was heavy but somehow comfortable and Chris didn’t disturb it until JC moved away. JC rubbed his face and looked at Chris. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly.

“Don’t be. You had things to say,” Chris offered.

JC picked at the tail of his shirt. “Guess so.”

“Now it’s my turn.”

JC looked away and back at Chris. “Look, I had a little melt-down, things are fine. I know the things I said aren’t true.”

“Then why did you say them?” Chris asked.

JC actually laughed. “Man, don’t start calling on your psych classes.”

Chris quickly grabbed JC’s wrist. “We’ve been dealing with this lawsuit now for months, yet this is the first time you’ve confided in anyone. Why are you excluded from feeling better?”

“Going through everything I just feel as though I – we – should’ve known.”

“Now you know how I felt, still feel sometimes.”

JC shook his head. “No, this is different. You couldn’t have known; there were no signs then. The signs were later, but we all ignored them or just plain didn’t see past our schedules and fatigue.”

“JC, there is no way we could’ve known, not before we actually did, anyway.”

“No, I think...”

Chris squeezed JC’s wrist. “It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past you need to let go of it and concentrate on being that calm, articulate person these lawyers think you are. If they only knew how often we saved your ass from looking stupid in interviews.”

JC smiled. “I sound artistic, not stupid.”

“JC, trust me, you ramble. You start on subject A and then onto M and we have no idea how they are connected but you swear they are.” Chris watched JC button and unbutton the last one on his shirt several times before asking, “You hungry now?”

“Not really.” JC sounded apologetic but Chris only sighed. “That’s ok,” Chris said. “We’ll work on your eating habits tomorrow. How about some sleep? Wanna spend the night?” Chris waggled his eyebrows making JC to laugh.

“Won’t Justin be jealous?” But JC stood up and started toward the back of the apartment.

“What the Curly doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Chris turned off the TV and dumped the remote on an end table. “Besides, it’s platonic since I know you have a thing for our Mr. Bass.”

“Shut up, I do not.” JC said from the bedroom, but Chris heard the smile. He shook his head and locked the front door before he made his way to bed.

“I can’t believe they went.” Justin said.

Lance looked up from the drink making directions. “Really? I figured they were just waiting for us to tell them it was ok.”

“A little more fight would have been nice.” Justin pouted as he approached Lance. “So. Where’s my drink? They might be able to party it up at the club but we’re going to party it up here.”

Lance chuckled. “Not too much though, I don’t want to hear Chris bitch again but his carpets.”

“One time, one time I get sick and he never lets me forget.”

“Justin, you puked all over the floor in wide arcs, I think he scrubbed for hours and you know if Chris cleaned it was that bad.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” Justin leaned over Lance’s shoulder. “Whatcha making?”

Lance pushed his right elbow back into Justin. “Nothing at this second. Don’t hover. I’ll bring out the drinks in a sec.” Lance waved Justin away as he tried to read the chicken scratch Joey called handwriting. It would have helped had the paper not intercepted the spilled soda from earlier.

After another moment of concentration Lance threw caution to the wind and guessed what should’ve been put in the drink. Once mixed, Lance stepped back and admired the... very ugly brown color. He shrugged, picked up both large glasses and went into the livingroom.

“Did you taste it?” Justin asked as he squinted at the glass Lance handed him.

“Of course. It’s fine. Drink it.” Lance said as he hide his smirk behind his hand.

Justin squinted at the glass, sniffed it, then sipped, swallowed – and didn’t gag. Lance was impressed. “It’s all right?” Lance asked.

“Ah. It’s not awful but I’m not sure you did it right, it doesn’t taste the same as last time.”

Lance took a sip from his own glass, and cringed. He shot Justin an accusing look. Justin laughed and said, “You didn’t try it, I know you, so you deserve to taste the nasty as much as me.”

After another sip Lance decided that he’d have to drink the glass fast just to get through it. He glanced at Justin and watched as he gulped down half the liquid. Not to be out done Lance almost emptied his only to look over at Justin after his final swallow and see Justin’s glass empty.

Two glasses of an unidentifiable alcoholic drink later and they’re drunk; legs tangled together as they fit themselves to opposite ends of the couch.

“So,” Justin says. “What do you think the guys are doing? Picking up chicks?”

“Afraid Chris is mackin’ on a girl?”

Justin narrowed his eyes. “No. And even if he was it wouldn’t matter.”

Lance nodded but didn’t believe him. “Probably getting drunk like us.”

“You think we’re gonna win?”

“Yes.”

Justin barked a laugh. “You that sure?”

“Yep, we’re right. Plus Pearlman’s an asshole and doesn’t deserve it. Us? We’re not assholes, at least to most people.”

“Lou had a big head.” Justin said and grinned.

“Two chins,” added Lance.

“I caught myself a few times lookin’ at his chins instead of payin’ attention to what he was sayin’. It was distracting, yo!”

Lance felt lightheaded and giggled. “Man, where’d you learn to speak?”

Justin shoved Lance’s legs with his foot. “Shuddup, you’re a southern boy, too.”

“Bein’ southern has nothin’ to do with the fact that you just added ‘yo’ to the end of the sentence. For no reason.”

“It’s an ender.”

Lance blinked. He had no idea what an ender was, or even if such a thing existed. A few seconds of silence went by before Justin spoke again.

“Why’d Lou sweat so much? Just lookin’ at’em made me feel dirty.” Justin leaned up on one arm and pointed to Lance. “That’s what should’ve warned us. Sweat!!”

“No way we could’ve known, but sweat isn’t a good enough reason. We all sweat.” Lance smiled. “Granted we don’t all sweat doin’ nothin’, but still, sweat wasn’t a sign.”

Justin leaned back again and studied Lance. “Do you really think Lou was into us?”

Lance looked blankly at Justin. “Into?”

“Yeah, like he was turned on by us?”

Lance gagged. “What? How the hell did you go from sweat to sex?”

Justin shrugged. “I’m a horny 18 year old, the subject is always on my mind. But. I meant that in the beginning I was never left alone with Lou.”

“You noticed?”

“How could I not? They weren’t the most subtle. Plus, I didn’t really need them to tell me to watch myself. If y’all were feeling a vibe, then so was I. You think he ever did anything?”

“Naaa. I think it was just something about him, like a vibe he sometimes gave off. It made people uncomfortable I think. Maybe.” Lance shrugged. “I dunno, somethin’. Never knew you noticed the protectiveness of the guys though.”

“I never gave much thought if someone was hanging around with me until the day y’all left and JC came rushin’ back in minutes later, out of breath and lookin’ freaked. I asked but he brushed me off.”

“I don’t think Chris wanted us to worry.” After a moment, Lance added, “What’s with you and Chris?”

“Nothing,” Justin pouted. “Right now anyway, but I will have my way.” Justin sat up again and dislodged Lance’s legs. “I, Justin Randal Timberlake, will have one Christopher Alan Kirkpatrick by... soon.”

Lance laughed and sat up and shifted until he lay on his side with his back against the couch and Justin in front of him. “Soon? That’s it?” Silence. “I think you’re right. He likes you. Just has just stuff to overcome is all.”

“Sick of bein’ too young.” Justin yawned.

He patted Justin’s curls. “Nothing you can do about your age.”

“’Spose. Think they’re drunk yet?”

“Maybe. I’m sure it took more than two drinks though. We’re kinda pathetic.”

“Don’t care. It was fun. Drinkin’, talkin’ – makin’ fun of Lou.”

“He was a Grade A prick, huh?”

Justin yawned again and Lance couldn’t help but mimic him. The TV was on, although Lance didn’t remember turning it on or even what was playing. It just provided background noise to him and Justin.

“What’s with you and JC?” Justin asked quietly.

Lance stiffened, he couldn’t help it. “What? What do you mean?”

“Come on. I can tell you like him.”

“I don’t.” Lance said as his heart beat faster. He figured only Joey knew, but now Justin. Lance was petrified that maybe JC knew as well.

Justin pushed his body back into Lance’s. “Don’t be a dick. You like him. What’s the big deal?”

“Not that simple Justin. Now isn’t the time.”

Justin yawned again. “Sick of hearing that one too... So you admit you like him?”

Lance sighed. “Yes, fine, I like him. Happy?”

“Yep,” Justin said and Lance just knew he was grinning.

Lance felt his eyelids grow heavy and allowed them to close. A night of silliness was what he needed to totally unwind.

The last thought Lance had before he drifted off to sleep was that he was glad most of the lawsuit was done, he could go back to more pleasant things.

JC opened the door and took a deep breath once he was outside. The weather cooperated for the Fall Orlando day; the sky was clear and the air crisp. He was done. Finished. The deposition was signed and finalized. JC had never been so happy to never talk again.

“Hey.”

JC turned and saw Lance learning against the side of his car. “Lance. What’re you doing here?” JC asked as he started forward.

“Thought I’d wait for you today. Mark the end of the nightmare with a Starbucks.” Lance leaned down to the bag that rest at his feet, withdrew a cup and handed it to him. “A latte for your time of need.”

“Ooh, venti.”

“Well, you’re not a cheap date,” Lance said.

“I can be,” JC answered and smiled.

Lance turned quickly to follow JC as he walked around the car, JC saw Lance’s cup smash into his car door and then Lance shake the liquid off his hand.

“Really?” Lance shook his head. “I mean, I wasn’t sure how long you’d be, so you need to suffer through the cold drink.”

“No man, it’s good.” JC slurped the caramel flavored caffeine boost. “You ridin’ with me to Chris’s?

“I hope you don’t intend to leave me here,” Lance said as his eyebrow rose slightly.

“Of course not.” JC unlocked the door, slid into the seat, reached over and unlocked Lance’s door.

After he found a place for the drink, he adjusted the mirror, radio and seatbelt before leaving the parking lot. Lance was silent throughout.

“What’s up, Lance?” JC asked and snuck a look at him but Lance stared out the window and hadn’t noticed the scrutiny.

“Nothing. Why?”

“You just seem... Never mind.”

“It just seems weird that everything is over. No more contracts to worry about, old or new. No lawyers for a few days. Seems – final, yet we don’t know any more than when we first started.”

“The decision will come and until then we’ll have to work our way through it.” JC stopped at a red light. “We’ve done all we can.” JC said as he looked at Lance and found green eyes already looking at him

“I know, it just sucks.” Lance said.

The car behind them honked and JC realized the light had turned green, so he started forward. JC heard Lance take a breath and quickly cut him off. “I declare the remainder of this day no more lawsuit talk. A moratorium, if you will.”

Lance’s deep chuckled filled the car. “You’ve been hanging with the lawyers too much, such big words.”

JC took a long drink from his cup. “I’m smart.”

“I’m not saying otherwise, but you usually pull out the big words for special times.”

“This is special. This is you and me enjoying the beautiful day.” JC beamed at Lance.

“Um,” Lance swallowed. “Okay

Silence reigned in the car again and it made JC’s fingers twitch. “Come on, Lance, entertain me.”

Lance laughed. “How? We’re in a moving vehicle, there are only so many things to do.” There was a pause. “Although, I’m open to new things but I don’t think we should try anything until you at least finish your latte.”

JC smiled and titled his head toward Lance but never took his eyes off the road. One point to Lance. “Tell me about Chris and Justin. Has Justin pounced on him yet?”

“No. Well, yes, but not in the way you’re asking about. He’s a little frustrated.”

“Kid’s young, he wants everything now.”

“He did try and seduce Chris by making him special brownies.”

JC took his eyes off the road and looked at Lance, surprised. “Really? Where’d he score the pot?”

Lance seemed to struggle not to laugh. JC looked back out the windshield. “Chris’s own stash.” Lance said. “But he’d never done it before so he wasn’t sure how much to use, so he ended up dumping the whole thing into the mix.” Lance laughed outright. “They were awful, pretty much inedible, and Chris was pissed about him going through his stuff.”

He grinned. “What happened.” JC asked.

“Nothing really. Chris spent that morning sulking until we talked him into a basketball game. You know how watching me and Joey play always cheers him up.”

“How you and Joey try to play. There’s a difference.”

JC’s felt a slap to the back of his head and turned toward Lance. “You’re lucky we’re at a red light. There is no fucking with the driver while the car’s in motion.”

“The car isn’t in motion.”

“Besides the point. Don’t fuck with the driver.” JC said. He tried to for stern but he wasn’t able to wipe the smile from his face.

“What if I want to?” Lance admitted. JC became aware that Lance’s hand rested on his neck. He could feel the warmth radiate into this skin.

“Well. That’s fine. Good, really. Just, the same rules apply. Not while the car is moving.” JC turned forward again just in time to see the light turn green. Lance’s hand squeezed his neck before it was taken away. JC was sorry he ever mentioned the rule.

“Chris is back to teasing Justin, so other than the basketball game from hell, you didn’t miss much.”

“You can get better playing ball, just need to practice your moves.”

“JC, I seriously doubt I’ll get any better.”

“Sure you will. I’ll help. You just need to know how to move, how to anticipate the other players and when to go for it.” JC risked a glance toward Lance and was rewarded with the most confused look. JC laughed loudly and thought playing with Lance was going to be fun. As JC looked right then left before making a turn he saw Lance’s complexion had turned slightly pink.

JC pulled up outside of Chris’s apartment and turned off the car; Lance remained motionless. JC opened his door but turned toward Lance. “You gonna stay out here or come in and show me what other moves you’ve got?”

He didn't wait for a response, just started walking up the drive. He heard the door slam shut and knew Lance was right behind him. He smiled.

“So, we won.” Justin said. His heart was beating fast and he controlled the urge to whoop and punch his fist in the air.

“Technically,” Johnny said. “We settled. But yes, you won. You can keep the name, release the album with Jive and never have to deal with Lou or TransCon again if you want.”

“Great.” Chris said, although to Justin he didn’t sound that happy about it.

“Aren’t you happy this is over?” Justin asked. He immediately wanted to take it back, but it was too late.

Chris looked at him with mixed expressions on his face. “Yes, I’m happy it’s over with. But I’m not happy that we had to settle behind closed doors. It makes it seem like we weren’t completely entitled.”

“That doesn’t matter Chris,” JC said. “We won. We stood up for what we wanted and are able to go forward with our name and a lot more control.”

“Yeah,” interjected Joey. “Stop making it worse than it is. It’s over.”

Chris nodded and Justin elbowed him in the side. “So. We won our lawsuit... how are you planning to celebrate?”

“I’m going to Disneyworld!!!” Chris exclaimed. “Oh, but I live here. Um...”

“We’re going to Hawaii!” Lance said from across the table.

Justin looked around the room, they were all smiling. Joey was halfway chuckling, Chris’s legs was bouncing as he described all the things he wanted to do in Hawaii, Lance’s gums were showing he smiled so wide and JC’s eyes disappeared as he just seemed to watch the room.

Chris looked up at the sign above the tattoo parlor’s door. As he reached out to pull the door open he heard JC speak.

“Guys, when I said we should do something together to commemorate our independence and the new year... I didn’t mean a tattoo.” JC said as he looked around apprehensively.

“JC... Please, you have to do this.” Joey stated and pleaded with his eyes.

“Look. If I was into tattoos this would be the perfect thing, but I’m not, so I’m thinking it’s not the best idea. Maybe we can still do something else? I just. I can’t do this.” JC sounded sorry.

“C, no one is going to force you. We’re going to go out, just the five of us, and party afterward.” Joey said.

Chris watched as Justin inched his way toward the door. Chris had to endure hours of excitement from Justin about the tattoo and he could just imagine that Justin was tired of waiting.

“Yeah,” Lance said and walked over to JC and put an arm around his waist. “Just because you aren’t getting one doesn’t make you any less of us.”

Chris watched as Lance gave JC’s waist a quick squeeze and then joined the rest of them by the door. Chris felt bad for JC, who looked so alone with his arms wrapped around his waist. It had been JC’s idea to mark the event, but it had been Chris’s mention of the tattoo that got everyone behind the idea. JC and his fear of needles. They tried to convince him, even offered to get him very drunk and then pay off the tattoo artist, but JC hadn’t gone for the idea. In fact, he pretty much had freaked out.

Chris yanked open the door and held it while they all went inside. As Lance passed Chris followed very closely. “You and C seem pretty tight. How’s things going?”

Lance looked over his shoulder and grinned. “Fuck off Chris, or would you like me to convince Justin to try baking again?”

He laughed and shoved at Lance’s shoulder as the tattoo artist emerged from the back. Chris had his hand up and mouth open before the artist could greet them. “I want to go first.”

As Chris walked away from the chair, his ankle twinged in pain. It hurt, of course he knew it would fucking hurt, but it was satisfying too. An indelible mark on his skin to prove that they weren’t going away.

He stepped outside and saw JC at the end of the block of buildings, alone. But a moment later his eyes fell on Lonnie and Dre lurking several feet beyond JC obviously trying to give JC space and not be up in his business. Chris’s steps faltered – up in his business? – clearly he needed to lessen the amount of time they all spent with Justin. The boy was corrupting their English.

Chris leaned on the wall next to JC. “How are you doing?”

JC nodded and hung his head. “I feel like I should try and over come my fear. You do it all the time.”

“First off – I don’t have a fear, it’s a phobia. And secondly – this is a little different than getting hooked into harnesses. A tattoo actually does hurt, people have different thresholds for pain so it varies, but it does hurt. Those harnesses don’t, unless they’re buckled wrong then I can’t pee right for days.”

JC smiled. “I feel like I made this event for you guys less significant because I didn’t get one too.”

Chris pushed his arm into JC’s. “You came here with us, waited while we all get inked. That’s good too.”

“I guess.”

“Look, no pouting tonight. We’re going to party like it’s 1999.”

“Dude, it’s 2000. You’re a day late for that.”

“You get my point. Plus you have to seduce our Mr. Bass.”

JC blushed. “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah ok.” Chris wanted to press more but Justin came bounding out of the building.

“That was, that was...” Justin waved his hands around excitedly. He stilled when he looked past Chris to JC and he amended soberly, "That was very painful."

Chris rolled his eyes.

“But it was still great.” JC stated.

Justin nodded. “Yeah, but, it did hurt.”

JC pointed out. “You don’t have to lessen your excitement for me. If you’re excited, be excited.”

“I didn’t want to rub it in or anything.”

JC smiled slightly. “You’re not. So, you know, this makes you and Chris like blood brothers.”

“Joey and Lance are doing it too.” Chris pointed out trying to steer the conversation away from anything Justin and him related.

“But you and J were the first.” JC looked decidedly evil.

“That’s right,” Justin said and threw an arm around Chris and leaned into him. Chris looked over toward Dre for rescue but was pointedly ignored. “You know. The five of us have been through a rough year. We’re still together, marking the new year with something permanent, I think there should be more changes.”

“Only seems right,” JC added. He hid his mouth behind his hand.

“Look. This two on one thing isn’t going to make me change my mind about anything.” Chris said.

“Don’t you dare say it.” Justin threatened and pointed at him.

“I’m not having this conversation with the two of you...” Chris started but Justin leaned in close and whispered in his ear.

“You know you want me.” And finished with a lick on his neck. Chris shivered and wished he hadn’t when Justin crowed with delight.

“You two do realize you’re on a public street.” JC reminded.

“Hey! You’re just as guilty, you encouraged him.” Chris was close to whining.

Before anything could have gone further, Lance and Joey came out.

“Have we decided on a place to party?” Joey asked.

“Not yet. Suggestions?” Chris asked. Justin shook his head but JC spoke up.

“I did some research before we came out here and have a place we could go.”

“Don’t keep up in suspense, C.”

“There’s a luau happening near our hotel, I thought we could check it out.”

“Um, dude. Roasted pig with an apple in his mouth – not very appealing.” Justin said with his face scrunched up.

Joey looked apprehensive about the idea also. Chris wasn’t picky, as long as it was the five of them and booze, he was good to go.

“Lots of people gyrating in little grass shirts,” Lance started. “And coconut bras.” He finished and looked at Joey.

“Luau it is!” Joey exclaimed. “JC, lead the way!”

JC smiled. “It was just a few streets over, and I --”

“It’s an island dude.” Justin headed off down the sidewalk. “How lost can we get?”

"Plenty of ways, my young jedi." Chris walked after Justin but he could hear the others behind him.

“Don't worry about it man,” Joey said.

“But...” JC was biting his lip, Chris could tell.

“Stop it, C.” Chris glanced back to see Lance slip an arm around JC's waist, with Joey on the other side of JC, draping an arm across JC's boney shoulders.

JC sighed and then nodded his head. He changed subject instantly as he pointed ahead. “Those two are cute.” He winked at Chris.

Chris jerked his head back around and almost slammed into Justin, who was stopped at the crosswalk.

“Left or right?” Justin bit his lip and looked to Chris for an answer.

Chris groaned.

The others stopped right behind them and Lance said, "What?"

“Right or Left,” Justin repeated a little impatiently.

“We're going to get so lost,” Chris muttered.

JC smiled at him. “But at least we'll get lost together.”