Inochi

By Linda

Chapter 18

Raiha's focus upon me was absolute; I felt as if I was at the center of his entire attention, and it was not at all a comfortable feeling. After a moment, I lowered my eyes and looked away, unexpectedly hurt by his accusations and bewildered by his rage. He had been kind to me after his own fashion, and to feel his anger was not something I ever wanted repeated; my heart still beat in painful, heavy pulses within my chest.

I felt it the moment his attention shifted from me, and I dared to look up at him from beneath my lashes. He ran his hands through his long shining hair and over his tall brown fox ears, the same grooming motions I'd seen Kin'iro use when upset, and it seemed to calm him a little. He drew a deep breath, held it a moment, and let it out; evidently, most of his anger evaporated with his breath. When he looked back up at me, his expression was the familiar one I'd become accustomed to seeing on his face, inquisitive and perhaps a little distant, though without the glint of humor in his eyes and lurking about his mouth. Although I'd hated being teased, I found I missed his easy-going nature.

"Very well," he said, his voice deep and rumbling, his tones calm and surprisingly normal, "We'll continue on. From this point, it's just a day and a half to Kin'iro's hold. If Tokiya manages to keep Yoshida's men distracted…."

Raiha's left ear twitched, and swiveled a little, evidently capturing a sound, and his head turned to look when I felt the sudden rush of ki, bearing down upon us like an unexpected rockfall. I saw his hand move toward his short sword, saw the blade come halfway out of its sheath before I heard the sound of claws scraping against rock, and the high-pitched chittering of the small rock youkai. I turned to look, and Raiha staggered beneath the pouncing attacks of at least four of the small, greyish demons launching themselves from the rocks above us.

Red-hot pain slashed across my back, and I whipped my head to the side to see one youkai go skittering off the back of the saddle and off into the abyss with a keening cry as it missed its grip upon me. And then I had no more time to think as one hit me solidly, talons and teeth hooking into the material of the robe at my back. I heard cloth ripping, and a horrible, hungry snarling next to my ear.

I yelped as it dug in, claws and teeth tearing through skin, hunching my shoulders to keep it away from my neck, and then the horse began to stamp and buck as two more youkai pounced, long, curving nails scoring across tough horsehide. I had just enough wits to grab onto the horse's mane as it gave a terrified cry and clattered off down the trail, its haunches slamming Raiha and his attackers into the rocks and dirt of the mountain wall as we passed.

I could only hang on with one hand; with the other fist, I pounded at the youkai digging into my left leg and the horse's shoulder, seeking a firmer hold, its red eyes wild and hungry. It lost its grip, and slid down my leg, slicing deep red grooves, far enough I could kick it free, its teeth cutting into the sole of my foot as I tried to shake it off. With a final shriek, it fell beneath us, and I could feel it stamped to pieces below me, hear its bones grinding and crunching beneath the horse's heavy hooves.

No time to think of that; the other two dug into me with ferocity, and I'd never had anything hurt so much, ever. Fire and ice tore over my shoulder and down my left arm; I could hear the demon's teeth tearing into my shoulder. I tried to reach back and pull it off, but claws from its feet dug in harder, skittering across my ribs, and I could feel searing pain like a blood-red bloom as skin tore. The other had a terrrible grip on both my robe and my right thigh; it snarled and bit down, teeth slicing through skin, and I yelled in both hurt and fear, suddenly, sharply aware that it wanted to ~eat~ me and would, if I didn't stop it.

Terrified, the horse skittered and plunged, slamming me and the youkai against the wall of the mountain. Air rushed from my lungs and vision greyed, and I almost lost my balance, but the demon lost his grip on my leg and dropped, grabbing at me and the side of the horse. The horse gave a high whinny and kicked out in panic. I heard a sound not unlike an over-ripe melon exploding as a hoof connected with the youkai's head, and knew I didn't have to worry with that monster any longer. Then my attention fell fully onto the one remaining; banging against the rocks had loosened the demon's hold on me a little. I reached back and seized its wildly-whipping tail, and jerked with all my strength.

Teeth and claws tore across my back as it sought to hold on, clutching at me with a fierce determination. It snapped at my side and its talons caught at healing flesh, tearing it open once more, but I ~had~ it. In fear and loathing and rage, I smashed it against the rock even as the horse bucked again, sending us both slamming into the side of the mountain.

I couldn't hold on, and tumbled from the back of the horse, luckily trapped against it and the rocks instead of plunging down the sheer face of the mountain. The heavy, muscular hindquarters of the horse slammed into me again, crushing me into the rocks and dirt, and I fell beneath it, unable to catch a breath, little black sparkling dots swimming in the edges of my vision. I lay wedged between rock and horseflesh, trapped beneath flailing hooves and the youkai's teeth and talons.

I felt oddly numb, strangely disconnected from my body; nothing seemed to hurt at the moment, though I knew by all rights I should be screaming in pain and fear. I'd stunned the demon, but it recovered more quickly than I had and still sought to kill me, snarling and screeching, kicking and flailing, trying to get to my throat.

The horse kicked out again in a powerful bunch of muscle, and the iron-shod hooves slammed into the dirt a finger's breadth from my nose before it clattered down the trail. Jerking back, I whooped and caught my breath, which broke on a pained gasp as something shifted in my ribs that should not have moved. But I had no time to think about that. I caught the youkai as it pounced, and my fingers dug into its throat as its claws sought mine.

I rolled, and ended up atop the creature. Its legs kicked at my belly, catching in the material of the robe, its fingers raking my arms. It was furious and hungry, armed with long claws and sharp teeth, but I was furious and terrified, bigger and stronger than it was. Mindlessly I began to pound its head against the rocks, and didn't slow until its struggles began to weaken, didn't stop until its arms and legs went lax, until its tail stopped whipping, until dark purplish blood and thick, grey-white matter began to spread on the ground beneath its head.

When it didn't move anymore, I made my hands unclench from its leathery hide; my fingers didn't seem to want to let go. I pulled away and slumped into the dirt, my lungs working like a bellows and my heart pounding so fast and hard I thought it would break free from my chest. I felt oddly disconnected, as if I weren't really there. As if it was not my own blood I saw dripping down my arm and plopping in fat red drops onto dirt and rocks, spilling over the tears in my side and thighs where the demons had dug in, and snaking down my back. The scent of blood rose to me, thick and cloying and coppery. Strangely enough, I didn't hurt, though I knew, in some part of my mind, that I should.

The horse had stopped further on down the trail, its head hanging low, tail whisking slowly from side to side. It shuddered, and I could see long torn places down its shoulder and over its rump, welling with bright red blood.

Slowly, my head turned the other way, toward Raiha. He still fought, dagger in one hand, short sword in the other. Bodies in pieces lay around him, bloody and still twitching, and I couldn't tell how many of the demons had died at his hands. A great number though; the ground was slick with dark purplish youkai blood and pinkish bits of entrails, and I wondered how he kept his footing. I had no idea how many more demons waited to attack; the forest youkai ran in packs, generally no more than two hands in number, and it looked as if at least that many lay in hewn bits around him. His face was set and determined, and the left side of his face shone crimson with his own blood.

As I watched, three more demons launched themselves at him, hitting solidly, catching hold in long hair and robe and skin, and he went down to one knee in the bloody muck. I knew if he couldn't get back to his feet, they would overwhelm him. They would kill him, tear him into pieces, and eat him.

And I would be free.

The thought surprised me, sprang upon me from seemingly out of nowhere. I could be free. I could get on his horse and ride away. He had supplies, and treasure; I would never have to want again. I could be free. I could take care of Mai.

I could be free.

Hope and desire flamed through my veins like a wildfire, burning away exhaustion and pain. I looked back at the horse, waiting patiently down the trail, then over again at Raiha, fighting and bleeding. Freedom, or slavery again? I knew I went to Jussai for slavery; he had claimed me as his share of the looting at Hamanari's. I had no doubt what he wanted from me, and the only difference between his home and the House Retsujou was that I would service him alone instead of countless strangers.

If I went to the horse, I was free.

If I went to help Raiha, I remained a slave.

~If~ we even survived this at all. The youkai were too small individually to bring us down, but together, it was only a matter of time before they overwhelmed even someone as strong as Raiha. If I left, they would eat him alive.

Raiha fought without swearing, which I thought was a bad sign. He had killed an untold number, but not without suffering his own injuries. His blood was bright red, as red as my own. I thought of his beautiful, muscular body laid open for the demons to feast on his entrails, thought of those green-gold eyes closed forever in death, thought of his handsome face ruined as they gnawed through to bone.

He was taking me to slavery. If I left now, I could be free.

I heaved myself to my feet. The air seemed to swim a moment before I blinked enough to clear my vision. I staggered toward him. To leave him might mean his death, and my freedom wasn't worth that to me. I had survived at Hamanari's---surely Jussai could be no worse.

I wasn't certain what I could do to help; I could barely move as suddenly, my body acknowledged all its hurts; pain screamed down my back and arms and thighs, fiery and terrible, and it hurt to draw a breath. But Raiha had cared for me when I'd been injured before, and I couldn't just walk away from him. If he had left me for dead in the forest, animals and youkai would have fed on me, and I would be dead without a doubt. But he had believed I wouldn't die, and hadn't left me to such a fate. For that, I had to try and help.

Bending down, I scooped up a couple of rocks and willed myself forward. One step, another, and another. I blinked my vision clear, and flexed my blood-slicked fingers around the stones. I yelled, trying to get the attention of a few of the youkai; it seemed more had pounced on Raiha, covering him in a snarling, clawing, writhing mass. I stank of blood. I was fresh meat, wounded, ready for the kill. Two demons caught sight of me, keened fearsome cries, and flung themselves away from Raiha and toward me, running with surprising speed on short legs and long arms, deadly claws outstretched. Their ki swarmed around me, thick with bloodlust and hunger.

I had a heartbeat to see Raiha recovering, and then my attention focused wholly upon the demons. I caught one with a flung rock in the center of its squished-in face; dark blue blood sprayed as I broke its nose. Unfortunately, it didn't slow down much. My aim was poorer with the second rock, but it still smacked solidly against a shoulder, slowing it down just a little more.

The other demon sprang to the left, carromed off the side of the mountain and leapt for me, chittering wildly, arms and legs outflung, talons curved to shred and tear. I raised one arm up to protect my face and throat, and tried to brace myself for impact; it came upon me so quickly I couldn't run. I had a heartbeat's worth of time to wonder if I would die. But just maybe, Raiha would live.

The demon screamed shrilly, a sound that made the hair stand up at the nape of my neck, then I heard a solid thunk. Claws scraped across my forearm, but didn't connect, and I lowered my arm and looked to see why.

The youkai writhed helplessly, pinned to the mountain wall by Raiha's blade through its belly. The short sword quivered with the force Raiha had put into throwing it, and I glanced at him. He had killed the other demons, and had hurled his blade with deadly accuracy, eliminating one that threatened me.

But not the other. Enraged, it plowed into my legs, arms reaching for my unprotected belly. Rather than be gutted, I let momentum carry me backwards, and curled up as tightly as I could into as small a ball as I could manage.

Claws dug into my arms and legs, but suddenly pulled away as the youkai shrieked. I raised my head enough to peer out, and saw Raiha standing over me, holding the demon by its long tail. With a flick of his wrist, he smashed the creature's head against the rock, and then flung it down the side of the mountain. He reached up, jerked the sword from the mountain wall, and whisked the demon's body off the blade as he might fling away drops of blood from the curving steel.

I blinked. I was still alive, though a part of me could not believe it.

Raiha stood over me, bloody sword and dagger in his hands, drenched and stinking with blood both blue and red, his chest heaving as he gasped for air. How had he moved so quickly? How had he killed all those demons when I thought surely he was doomed? I wasn't certain, and I didn't care. He was alive, and I was relieved beyond words; he should not die because of me---his life meant something to me. Blood ran down his blades and dropped into the dirt at his feet. Something wild and terrible and dark moved behind his shining golden eyes as he stared down at me.

"Raiha?" Gingerly, I uncurled, and discovered everything throbbed, burned, ached beyond anything I'd experienced, even the things I'd suffered at Kuroda's hands. I tried to draw a deep breath, and found that was not one of my better ideas as a bright sharp pain lanced through my ribs, and my vision swam again, then dimmed.

But I could not lie in the dirt. I clutched an arm to my ribs and wobbled my way to a sitting position. I had made it to one knee when Raiha sheathed his blades, reached down, wrapped his fist in what was left of my robe, and pulled me to my feet. A moment later, I could look him directly in the eyes as he held me effortlessly in the air, my feet dangling inches off the dirt.

"What were you thinking?" His voice was rough and angry, his ki harsh and prickly-feeling against my skin. Blood had sheeted down the left side of his face and neck from a gash at his hairline and had started to dry, brownish against his fair skin. Scratches and gashes tore across his throat and chest and down his belly. His ears flattened again, and his fine brows drew down in a frown. "You didn't have any weapons at all---"

I wondered if exhaustion and pain and terror had numbed me to something as simple and uncomplicated as mere fear, because I had no more fear of his anger.

"Raiha," I said softly, my voice hitching as I spoke, "put me down, please. It hurts."

Surprise flickered over his face, and very gently, he set me back onto my feet, so I looked upward at him once more. His hand loosened in my robe, came up and cupped my face, an unexpected movement that made me blink in surprise; when I saw his hand moving, I'd fully expected him to slap me. Instead, his hand, rough with sword calluses, smoothed gently over my cheek, and the pad of his thumb traced over the too-full shape of my mouth. My breath caught, and it had nothing to do with the aches and pains I felt.

Raiha's gold-green eyes were huge, the center of my attention, pulling me in, and I went willingly. When he leaned in close, strangely enough, I felt no fear, had no desire to pull away. His scent rose, that wonderful, summery, musky scent, this time overlaid with sharp sweat and acrid fear and the bloody outhouse smell of slaughter.

His breath was warm and moist over my mouth, and I breathed in his breath even as he took in mine, his mouth just barely an inch from my own. I wondered if he meant to kiss me; I'd never before kissed anyone. In that moment I forgot everything else---all the pain, all the fear---and I wanted to feel his mouth on mine, wanted his touch simply to remind me we both lived. His ki washed over mine, as warm and soft as fur, all the earlier prickliness gone, and I swore I could feel a sweet heat course through my body as it brushed against me.

A hard tremor shook me, and it had nothing to do with fear, for in that moment I didn't fear Raiha at all. I clenched my hands into fists and tried to ignore it, but the next one that followed made my teeth chatter. Raiha blinked, and drew back, and still caught in whatever spell possessed me, I leaned forward, loathe to lose the sudden sweet closeness.

But the moment had passed for Raiha; the softness in his eyes slid away as quickly as it had come. He was suddenly alert, eyes sharp, ears pricked forward attentively. Another tremor shook me.

"Why am I shaking?" Coldness washed over me, but it had nothing to do with the breeze that swirled around us; the tremors seemed to come from deep within.

"It's not uncommon after a fight to get the shakes. They'll stop in a little bit. More importantly, how badly are you hurt?"

Without waiting for me to answer, he pushed aside my shredded sleeves, looked at the long cuts on my hands and forearms, and then pushed aside the robe to examine the furrows and bites on my thighs. Silently he stepped around behind me as I stood there and shook, distressed because I couldn't seem to control it. I felt his touch on my shoulder, on my back as he pushed aside ripped cloth to examine me. Although his touch was gentle, it burned as his fingertips probed torn flesh. I wondered how badly I'd been clawed, and decided that I really didn't want to know if it hurt that much. I tried not to make a sound as Raiha checked the depth of my wounds, but I wasn't very successful.

Raiha stepped around to face me, his face serious. "Bad enough," he pronounced, and I wondered if I saw a flicker of worry for just a moment in his gold-green eyes, but if I did, it vanished before I could be certain. "Jussai will be very unhappy."

Anger came to life sluggishly within me. "I don't care what he thinks. I don't belong to him," I said. But a tremor made my voice quiver, ruining the force of my words.

"Whatever. I was supposed to bring you to him in one piece, not...shredded. Some, if not all of those will scar, I think. They're pretty deep."

"I don't care," I replied mulishly. Perhaps if I scarred enough, no one would want me, and I could be left alone. "We're alive, and that's all that matters."

He shook his head. "Can you walk?"

I wasn't sure I could, but I nodded, determined. I was not some child for him to carry, though he could, easily. "Yes, I can walk."

Stubbornness alone kept me on my feet but couldn't lend me speed, and we slowly trudged past the place in the path where I'd fought the demons myself. I concentrated on putting one foot before the other, fought the swimming in my head, the sharp nausea in the back of my throat. We made our way further down the path to where the horse waited patiently, skin shuddering slightly, its head hanging down. It skittered nervously as we approached, smelling rankly of blood and death, but Raiha ran his hands soothingly over its neck and down its face, murmuring soft, sweet things to it, frowning at the long clawmarks it bore on shoulders and side and rump.

Raiha pulled a blanket from his roll and wrapped me in its folds. I was so tired, and I hurt so much that I didn't protest much when he lifted me as gently, as easily as he could into the saddle. My rib caught and I gasped, then bit my lip to keep from making a sound. Only children cried when they hurt, and I wasn't a child. I could feel his eyes upon me, sharp as a blade, but shaking in misery, I didn't look at him.

"Hold on until we get off the trail and back into the woods, and I'll see what I can do. I need to find healing herbs for you. I can't do anything here---nothing but dirt and rocks."

He made certain my seat was secure, and then walked forward and took the reins, clucking softly to the horse, urging it into movement. I swayed as the horse stepped forward, but stayed in the saddle.

"Why didn't you run? You had the horse...the supplies...my share of treasure."

I opened my eyes. I couldn't remember closing them, and I wasn't certain if a moment, or more had passed. I thought maybe more, but it didn't really matter. The land around us had changed; the path widened out a bit, and the sparse shrubs had begun to thicken. I thought I saw trees ahead, tall pines, thought I smelled their sharp green scent, but I wasn't sure.

Raiha sounded puzzled. I blinked, and sat up straighter; I listed to the side, as if I'd had too much sake to drink. "What?"

"I don't understand why you didn't run. You could have, while I was busy with those damn demons. It was the perfect opportunity."

"It...it wasn't right," I said.

"What do you mean, it wasn't right? What's not right about making a grab for your freedom when you had the chance?" He sounded as if I'd bewildered him, as if he really wanted to understand.

I felt cold, and shivered, which made my back burn and ache. "It wasn't right to leave you when you had helped me. I wanted...I wanted to run, but I couldn't leave you alone and hurt. I thought...I thought they might kill you."

Raiha snorted. "As if they actually had a chance at killing me." He had been cut terribly along arms and chest and throat. A long jagged tear along his hairline. Several long gashes to his thighs. His blood and youkai blood had splattered and mixed together, and dried into a dull brownish-purplish color. He certainly looked as if he'd come close to defeat and death, though his ki was reassuringly warm against mine.

He caught me looking, and his chin lifted pridefully. "I'm full youko. I'll heal all this in a day. You, on the other hand...." He shook his head. "You won't."

"Youko?"

His head tipped a little to the side. "Youko is what we call ourselves. The blessed, the changing ones, the gifted of Inari. Not like youkai---who are little better than animals, and who cannot change, who cannot look upon the face of a god. Humans call us demon, but it's insulting---I'm nothing like those little beasts." He paused, considering. "And neither are you."

I could remember how my father had often compared me to the demons that lived in the woods, and how it had hurt me, though I'd always tried not to show it, to give him more things to hurt me. "I'm not youko, and I'm not human. I'm not sure what I am," I said.

"Sometimes foolish. Sometimes brave. Sometimes both," Raiha replied. His full mouth curved up slightly, and warmth curled within my chest. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed his inherently good nature until his anger had taken it from me.

Raiha studied me a moment, and I wondered what he saw, because the corners of his mouth tipped up a little more before he turned his back to me to lead us deeper into the woods.

Chapter Nineteen

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